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lifting1122

finding a father figure at 22?

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I feel like most of my problems in life are due to me being a b!tch because I wasn't raised very well and had no sort of father figure to look up to for guidance, I feel like in our generation most fathers are either absent or not masculine enough so many men are forced to look to others for guidance, such as a P.E teacher or gym coach. I have no sort of masculine father figure guiding me, and never really have had.  Every part of my life is just a mess, I am ugly (about 15 kg overweight, covered in acne), no achievements, no self-respect, emotional and financial wreck. CBT is possible, however it's only an hour a week, I need someone who has a long-term role in my life to guide me, do you think it is possible?

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5 minutes ago, lifting1122 said:

I feel like most of my problems in life are due to me being a b!tch because I wasn't raised very well and had no sort of father figure to look up to for guidance, I feel like in our generation most fathers are either absent or not masculine enough so many men are forced to look to others for guidance, such as a P.E teacher or gym coach. I have no sort of masculine father figure guiding me, and never really have had.  Every part of my life is just a mess, I am ugly (about 15 kg overweight, covered in acne), no achievements, no self-respect, emotional and financial wreck. CBT is possible, however it's only an hour a week, I need someone who has a long-term role in my life to guide me, do you think it is possible?

If you want someone to tell you like it is without being upset because ‘I am your daddy’ then let’s do it. 

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14 minutes ago, lifting1122 said:

I feel like most of my problems in life are due to me being a b!tch because I wasn't raised very well and had no sort of father figure to look up to for guidance, I feel like in our generation most fathers are either absent or not masculine enough so many men are forced to look to others for guidance, such as a P.E teacher or gym coach. I have no sort of masculine father figure guiding me, and never really have had.  Every part of my life is just a mess, I am ugly (about 15 kg overweight, covered in acne), no achievements, no self-respect, emotional and financial wreck. CBT is possible, however it's only an hour a week, I need someone who has a long-term role in my life to guide me, do you think it is possible?

Take it upon yourself to become the man that you seem to be looking for in a father figure. That way your kids or nephews or whatever it is & their kids wont have the same problems as you do as you will set the standards for them going forward. But you dont need a masculine male figure in your life for that what you need to do is to step up to the plate for yourself not rely on someone else to do it for you, although of course it helps to have people you look up to in your family and life in general.

It all starts with taking responsibility yourself mate.

Drop the weight you need to, get some Accutane for your acne, read books on finances (rich dad poor dad is a good start to get a basic grasp on assets & managing money etc) read autobiographies of people you look up to in general life, get in the fukin gym, lift heavy and eat well.

You do all that consistently, come back here in a year & your life will of dramatically changed for the better, mark my words.

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I'll start by saying you ain't ugly,  hate that word when someone says it and means it , trust that life will be OK mate , like SOS has said , get fitter it will make your mind healthier too , I was a shy inverted person  with no friends , bestvthingbibdid was join a club, pick something you like get into it mate 

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26 minutes ago, lifting1122 said:

I feel like most of my problems in life are due to me being a b!tch because I wasn't raised very well and had no sort of father figure to look up to for guidance, 

Personally I don't think it's always connected... my mate had a perfect childhood, loving family etc and he's wet a hell, total waste of space in the grand scheme of life.

My father was the opposite, a compete alcoholic tyrant and violent with it too. He taught me nothing, never guided me in life and I'm okay.

Life really is what you make it, excuses get you nowhere so if you want to change/improve them only you can do that.

Lose weight, get yourself healthy and the rest will most likely follow ;)

 

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CBT will most likely involve planning and sticking to a routine.

I would suggest reading Dr Jordan Peterson`s Books.

"Twelve Rules For Life: An antidote to Chaos."

and 

"Beyond order: Twelve More  Rules For Life: "

They aren`t just self help books.

He addresses your point that "I feel like in our generation most fathers are either absent or not masculine enough so many men are forced to look to others for guidance"

This is one of the reason that he wrote these books.

Another thing that will help is to read biographies of successful men or watch documentaries and interviews.

Joe Rogan`s JRE isn`t a bad place to start.  

 

Learning a martial art would also be a good idea. Discipline , fitness and self respect.

 

 

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1 hour ago, lifting1122 said:

I feel like most of my problems in life are due to me being a b!tch because I wasn't raised very well and had no sort of father figure to look up to for guidance, I feel like in our generation most fathers are either absent or not masculine enough so many men are forced to look to others for guidance, such as a P.E teacher or gym coach. I have no sort of masculine father figure guiding me, and never really have had.  Every part of my life is just a mess, I am ugly (about 15 kg overweight, covered in acne), no achievements, no self-respect, emotional and financial wreck. CBT is possible, however it's only an hour a week, I need someone who has a long-term role in my life to guide me, do you think it is possible?

I think your biggest problem is self respect. You come here and say "I'm ugly, 15kg overweight"

I'll tell you, No one is perfect, One might seem they have the perfect life but they never do.

My mum and dad broke up when I was 11, I've always been a bit awkward with my dad just due to not seeing him much, and just the kind of person I am. I've never really had a "Father figure" But I don't mean it 100% as he is there for me when needed. 

I was like you, Over weight, had a slight drinking problem and addiction to online games. 

When you say financial wreck, I went bankrupt last year, At the age of 24. Now thats financially unstable. Since then, I've managed to save money do things I want and be happier, Along with getting self respect from working out and trying to get in the best shape possible. It's all discipline and not feeling sorry for yourself 247. Get into a gym, work on that, I assume you enjoy working out. Give it a year and you'll feel amazing. Don't blame it on the lack of a father figure, Some of the best people out there didn't have a dad.

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7 hours ago, lifting1122 said:

I feel like most of my problems in life are due to me being a b!tch because I wasn't raised very well and had no sort of father figure to look up to for guidance, I feel like in our generation most fathers are either absent or not masculine enough so many men are forced to look to others for guidance, such as a P.E teacher or gym coach. I have no sort of masculine father figure guiding me, and never really have had.  Every part of my life is just a mess, I am ugly (about 15 kg overweight, covered in acne), no achievements, no self-respect, emotional and financial wreck. CBT is possible, however it's only an hour a week, I need someone who has a long-term role in my life to guide me, do you think it is possible?

You don't need a hero to look up to.

Be your own hero.

Then peeps will look up to you.

That's the qualifications of a good dad. You can be one.

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I used to look up to Bruce Lee as a kid, now I know he would get destroyed by any decent fighter and he never had a real fight in his life.

 

Dont have heroes, they never live up to the fantasy.

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44 minutes ago, Substandard said:

I used to look up to Bruce Lee as a kid, now I know he would get destroyed by any decent fighter and he never had a real fight in his life.

 

Dont have heroes, they never live up to the fantasy.

I think it's funny when people think he would beat Mike Tyson in a fight when in reality it would be like a child trying to fight a man. 

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I think the main problem is I have no self-respect, one of my earliest memories of childhood was being bullied by other kids and instead of sticking up for myself I cowered away and hid with no courage, this has led to all sort of problems where I act in ways I really have no self-respect - letting myself get fat, doing heroin, not washing my clothes. I really need to gain self-respect back but feel like it is so ingrained into my personality (just like how a dog is raised a certain way it is hard to change the dogs personality later in life, behaviour needs to be trained immediately and the dog is just put down if it is too violent).

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23 minutes ago, lifting1122 said:

 letting myself get fat, doing heroin, not washing my clothes. I really need to gain self-respect back but feel like it is so ingrained into my personality (just like how a dog is raised a certain way it is hard to change the dogs personality later in life, behaviour needs to be trained immediately and the dog is just put down if it is too violent).

You did those things to you, it's no one else's fault or responsibility... if you want to change, if you want to improve your life, then only you can do that.

We've all been through crap in our lives, I've had some terrible falls throughout my life and I just keep picking myself back up.

Keys parts of self respect are acceptance and realism, then focus on what actually matters; you need to forgive yourself for the past and take responsibility going forward.

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21 minutes ago, lifting1122 said:

I think the main problem is I have no self-respect, one of my earliest memories of childhood was being bullied by other kids and instead of sticking up for myself I cowered away and hid with no courage, this has led to all sort of problems where I act in ways I really have no self-respect - letting myself get fat, doing heroin, not washing my clothes. I really need to gain self-respect back but feel like it is so ingrained into my personality (just like how a dog is raised a certain way it is hard to change the dogs personality later in life, behaviour needs to be trained immediately and the dog is just put down if it is too violent).

You could start by making a list of the things in your life that you think aren't going right or that are making you feel bad about yourself. 

 Then once a week pick the next thing on that list and work on changing it. 

Some will be easy wins, like making sure to wash everything you've worn that week, having made the effort to wear clean clothes every day. 

Even only working on one thing every 2 weeks will rapidly improve your situation. 

Some will be slower to fix ,but it's possible to make huge changes by chipping away a tiny bit at a time. 

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2 minutes ago, lewdylewd said:

At least he’s got the support of good friends though eh? :lol:

Sometimes you have to be a little harsh to make people realise what they are doing... but my PM is always open if people need to chat.

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4 hours ago, lifting1122 said:

I feel like most of my problems in life are due to me being a b!tch because I wasn't raised very well and had no sort of father figure to look up to for guidance, I feel like in our generation most fathers are either absent or not masculine enough so many men are forced to look to others for guidance, such as a P.E teacher or gym coach. I have no sort of masculine father figure guiding me, and never really have had.  Every part of my life is just a mess, I am ugly (about 15 kg overweight, covered in acne), no achievements, no self-respect, emotional and financial wreck. CBT is possible, however it's only an hour a week, I need someone who has a long-term role in my life to guide me, do you think it is possible?

How old are you mate.

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Hey man!

I empathise with you; cause I've been there. Maybe not as extreme as you, but I've been there. I've made the s**t decisions- bad food,  drugs, poor life choices and associates because I didn't like myself. Didn't value myself. I know how you feel and I know how hard it is to see a way out. But looking for someone else to be a "father figure" and guide you out is a fools errand. You're gonna need to get yourself out BUT you can do it. You're human; you're resilient - you can and will make it.

My best piece of advise is pick something you think you can't do and do it. Dont worry about how well you do it, just complete it no matter what. Show yourself you are capable of doing it - it doesn't matter if someone can do it better - your only competition is you. And when you've done that - pick another challenge and do it. Keep doing this every few weeks and you'll reap benefits.

 

An example could be do goggins challenge - run 4 miles, every 4 hours for 48 hours from midnight this Friday. It'll kill you BUT you'll realise what you are capable of - people think it takes physical prowess to complete that challenge - it doesn't - it takes mental strength, determination and grit. 

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6 hours ago, Substandard said:

I used to look up to Bruce Lee as a kid, now I know he would get destroyed by any decent fighter and he never had a real fight in his life.

 

Dont have heroes, they never live up to the fantasy.

Yes no records of actual fights He only thought in a amateur boxing match as far as I am aware . 

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7 minutes ago, gymaddict1986 said:

Yes no records of actual fights He only thought in a amateur boxing match as far as I am aware . 

he was a child movie star turned martial artist, others have been martial artists turned actors

He never proved himself in real combat

 

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