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Diesel86

Best joke you have ever heard

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1 hour ago, Denied said:

Rarbg.com is my go to these days for torrents but you'll probably need a VPN to get on it these days. Not sure about streaming other than Amazon.

Cheers mate.

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As Wayne Rooney neared the halfway point of his community service, working at a garden centre for people with learning difficulties, he had developed a particularly strong bond with one Downs syndrome sufferer, Andrew Smith.

"It has been really rewarding so far, although at times also very tough. Teaching him to count, whilst trying to make sense of his grunts and dribbles, has probably been the hardest part so far", said Andrew.

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Superman is flying over the city and sees Wonder Woman sunbathing naked with her legs spread on the roof of Justice League building.

So he thinks to himself: "I'm Superman, I have super speed, I could just fly over there, fuсk her and fly away, all in a blink of an eye!". So he does that - flies over, fuсks her fast as lightning and flies off.

Wonder Woman jumps up and cries out: "What the hell was that?!"

Invisible Man replies: "I don't know, but my ass is killing me!"

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I bumped into an old school friend yesterday. He started talking about his well paid job, & his expensive sports car, then he pulled out a photo of his wife & said, "She's beautiful, isn't she?"
I said, "If you think she's beautiful, you should see my wife!"
He said, "Why, is she a stunner?"
I said, "No, she's a fu**ing optician!"

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A rich man and a poor man have the same wedding anniversary. They're both shopping for their wives.
Poor man asks the rich man "What did you get your wife this year?"
Rich man answers "A Mercedes and a huge diamond ring."
The poor man says "Why did you get her both?"
The rich man says "If she doesn't like the ring, she can take it back to store in her new car, come home and still be happy."
The poor man says "O.K. That works."
The rich man says "Well what did you get your wife?"
The poor man says "A pair of slippers and a dildo."
The rich man says "Why did you get her a pair of slippers and a dildo?"
The poor man says "If she doesn't like the slippers, she can go fuсk herself!"

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Little Johnny comes back from school with a black eye, so his father asks him what happened.
Johnny replies: "Class was over and the girl sitting in front of me stood up. I saw that her skirt was up her ass crack, so I reached and pulled it out. She turned around and hit me."
Father says: "Yeah, Johnny, women don't like that. Don't ever do that again."
Next day Johnny comes back from school with second black eye, so his father again asks him what happened.
Johnny replies: "Class was over and my friend Peter saw this girl's skirt was up her ass, so he reached and pulled it out. Now I remembered you said women didn't like that, so I pushed it back in."

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A blind man walks into a bar..... and then a chair. And then a table. And then people.

 

 

What’s the Difference between a washing machine and a 7 year old? A Washing machine doesn’t cry when you dump your load in it. 

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Paedo walking through the woods at night with a 5 year old..... 5 year old says ‘I’m scared out here in the dark’....... paedo replies ‘ you’re scared, Ive gotta walk back on my own’.. 

:cool2:

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