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muscleman82

Coming off drugs

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Everyone has their demons, skeletons in the closet. I am a low level poly drug addict. I don't develop physical withdrawal but I am mentally addicted to not being sober, if that makes sense. 

I regularly use tramadol at low doses 100-150mg to get buzzed for training and train better, harder, stronger.  

I regularly use sleeping pills to knock myself out so I can recover better and train harder the next day, often because i can't sleep due to the tramadol or caffeine. 

I have recently gone down the slippery path of benzo use (Daily) for 8 weeks now due to stress, better sleep and recovery, relaxation and travel. These include real diazepam and xanax as well as UGL pills which could be anything benzo RC.

I inject vitamins to increase RBC count as well as homeopathic products that are not banned. 

I use pregabalin for the high and to reduce pain after training, stress relief. 

Its been months since ive had a completely sober day, although at a very low level of intoxication. 

I party maybe once a year, i enjoy my MDMA, ketamine and dancing. These enhance me. They genuinely add to my life spiritually. 

 

I am a professional athlete and these are the realities of what it takes to complete 'clean' against guys on testo, hgh and epo. At this point i believe this is healthier than what is legal and normal in pro sport. I know all sorts of legal stuff that goes on, its disgusting. A 19 year old kid crashed into a ravine in a big race recently and his team managers first response was to remove the bottle of pills from his pocket while he was fighting for his life. Its believed since tramadol (quite mild) was banned in pro cycling it has been replaced with Tapentadol (Class A Narcotic) or hydrocodone (Vicoden). It's sad. These are mixed with strong anti depressants to make the rider high as f**k and not feel a thing. 

 

My sport is the only thing that makes me happy, ive raced pro as a clean guy. I have still abused high strength cortisones, asthma drugs and thyroid hormones (ALL LEGAL!). 

 

My problem now is how to come back to a sober level. I am going through a dark patch mentally also. Very dark and I have seeked help for this. Although my weight lifting experience goes as far lifting 80kg in a single squat in my off season, BBing is the second sport  I follow and admire. The openness regarding drug use mostly. I respect that so much. The dedication and dieting is the same as for the hardest endurance sports. 

 

Has anyone else come close to what feels like a turning point like this before in their lives? Im only 25. Any advice or input would be great from someone older, wiser and been through it. I am lucky in that I have a very supportive family and friends. 

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On 03/09/2020 at 7:32 PM, muscleman82 said:

Everyone has their demons, skeletons in the closet. I am a low level poly drug addict. I don't develop physical withdrawal but I am mentally addicted to not being sober, if that makes sense. 

I regularly use tramadol at low doses 100-150mg to get buzzed for training and train better, harder, stronger.  

I regularly use sleeping pills to knock myself out so I can recover better and train harder the next day, often because i can't sleep due to the tramadol or caffeine. 

I have recently gone down the slippery path of benzo use (Daily) for 8 weeks now due to stress, better sleep and recovery, relaxation and travel. These include real diazepam and xanax as well as UGL pills which could be anything benzo RC.

I inject vitamins to increase RBC count as well as homeopathic products that are not banned. 

I use pregabalin for the high and to reduce pain after training, stress relief. 

Its been months since ive had a completely sober day, although at a very low level of intoxication. 

I party maybe once a year, i enjoy my MDMA, ketamine and dancing. These enhance me. They genuinely add to my life spiritually. 

 

I am a professional athlete and these are the realities of what it takes to complete 'clean' against guys on testo, hgh and epo. At this point i believe this is healthier than what is legal and normal in pro sport. I know all sorts of legal stuff that goes on, its disgusting. A 19 year old kid crashed into a ravine in a big race recently and his team managers first response was to remove the bottle of pills from his pocket while he was fighting for his life. Its believed since tramadol (quite mild) was banned in pro cycling it has been replaced with Tapentadol (Class A Narcotic) or hydrocodone (Vicoden). It's sad. These are mixed with strong anti depressants to make the rider high as f**k and not feel a thing. 

 

My sport is the only thing that makes me happy, ive raced pro as a clean guy. I have still abused high strength cortisones, asthma drugs and thyroid hormones (ALL LEGAL!). 

 

My problem now is how to come back to a sober level. I am going through a dark patch mentally also. Very dark and I have seeked help for this. Although my weight lifting experience goes as far lifting 80kg in a single squat in my off season, BBing is the second sport  I follow and admire. The openness regarding drug use mostly. I respect that so much. The dedication and dieting is the same as for the hardest endurance sports. 

 

Has anyone else come close to what feels like a turning point like this before in their lives? Im only 25. Any advice or input would be great from someone older, wiser and been through it. I am lucky in that I have a very supportive family and friends. 

If you really are sick and tired of being sick and tired and want to make a change theb it is possible. Where abouts in the country are you? 

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my experience with drugs is mate, i used to take alsorts, mainly smoked green daily non stop. was broke as f**k and this is what killed me, over time now i learn if you wanna do something, you wll. if you do not truly want to do something you will stop, i woke up one morning and said f**k it.  now if i smoke its because i want to and i wont if i dont simple as that if you wanna do something just do it and dont beat yourself up about it, if you really want something you will make it happen. sometimes we just need a gentle nudge though i understand

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Be careful coming off benzos, fvcking horrible drugs. I used them for approx 4 weeks and not everyday either but majority. This included xanax, diazepam, clonaozlam and etizolam and had a bad seizure 3 to 4 days after completely stopping. 

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Thanks for all your replies and taking time to read my post. 

Im putting all the positive advice in one place and making a plan to get back to the person I was before. I find it fascinating that sports of any kind have a huge crossover into other risky behaviours. 

 

As for the benzos..... im writing and planning a taper just incase. May I ask you @AestheticManlet if you stopped cold turkey? And also if you don't mind the dosages? 

 

Thanks again, sometimes a nudge from a forum is enough to push a young lad in a positive direction with his life so thanks, 

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@muscleman82 It wasn't massive but enough that I was slurring speech all day and pretty outta it.

 Id take the xanax later on to sleep. Xanax was 2mg, Diaz could be up to 40 or 50mg when I used. The others like 3mg they're much stronger than the diaz. 

I stopped cold turkey. I felt OK but within 5 seconds 3 or 4 days after stopping had overwhelming dizziness at a restaurant then woke up getting put into an ambulance lol. 

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On 9/3/2020 at 7:32 PM, muscleman82 said:

Everyone has their demons, skeletons in the closet. I am a low level poly drug addict. I don't develop physical withdrawal but I am mentally addicted to not being sober, if that makes sense. 

I regularly use tramadol at low doses 100-150mg to get buzzed for training and train better, harder, stronger.  

I regularly use sleeping pills to knock myself out so I can recover better and train harder the next day, often because i can't sleep due to the tramadol or caffeine. 

I have recently gone down the slippery path of benzo use (Daily) for 8 weeks now due to stress, better sleep and recovery, relaxation and travel. These include real diazepam and xanax as well as UGL pills which could be anything benzo RC.

I inject vitamins to increase RBC count as well as homeopathic products that are not banned. 

I use pregabalin for the high and to reduce pain after training, stress relief. 

Its been months since ive had a completely sober day, although at a very low level of intoxication. 

I party maybe once a year, i enjoy my MDMA, ketamine and dancing. These enhance me. They genuinely add to my life spiritually. 

 

I am a professional athlete and these are the realities of what it takes to complete 'clean' against guys on testo, hgh and epo. At this point i believe this is healthier than what is legal and normal in pro sport. I know all sorts of legal stuff that goes on, its disgusting. A 19 year old kid crashed into a ravine in a big race recently and his team managers first response was to remove the bottle of pills from his pocket while he was fighting for his life. Its believed since tramadol (quite mild) was banned in pro cycling it has been replaced with Tapentadol (Class A Narcotic) or hydrocodone (Vicoden). It's sad. These are mixed with strong anti depressants to make the rider high as f**k and not feel a thing. 

 

My sport is the only thing that makes me happy, ive raced pro as a clean guy. I have still abused high strength cortisones, asthma drugs and thyroid hormones (ALL LEGAL!). 

 

My problem now is how to come back to a sober level. I am going through a dark patch mentally also. Very dark and I have seeked help for this. Although my weight lifting experience goes as far lifting 80kg in a single squat in my off season, BBing is the second sport  I follow and admire. The openness regarding drug use mostly. I respect that so much. The dedication and dieting is the same as for the hardest endurance sports. 

 

Has anyone else come close to what feels like a turning point like this before in their lives? Im only 25. Any advice or input would be great from someone older, wiser and been through it. I am lucky in that I have a very supportive family and friends. 

Mate get yourself to a CA Meeting..... it really is the only way to deal with proper addiction.

You'll get loads of advice from people who've never recovered from addiction or have never suffered from addiction.....they mean well but none of it will work. You need advice from those who've been in the same boat as you and come out the other side. 

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Good luck man. I am completely fu**ing addicted to not being sober. Every day without fail after work all I want is cocaine beer and benzos. Unfortunately I am on 1300 a month and my bills come to 700 so this does not leave much room to do what I want. It is hard man

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On 11/09/2020 at 4:19 PM, js77 said:

Mate get yourself to a CA Meeting..... it really is the only way to deal with proper addiction.

You'll get loads of advice from people who've never recovered from addiction or have never suffered from addiction.....they mean well but none of it will work. You need advice from those who've been in the same boat as you and come out the other side. 

Agree, although I would say NA over CA, not that it really matters. 

That's why I asked where he is in the country, I can't live without my weekly meetings. 

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3 hours ago, ThatsLife said:

Agree, although I would say NA over CA, not that it really matters. 

That's why I asked where he is in the country, I can't live without my weekly meetings. 

You do know that NA stands for ‘ No Action’ don’t you!!!!??

Only messing mate (sort of).... definitely worth trying both fellowships to see which one suits but ultimately it’s all the same stuff.

 

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1 hour ago, js77 said:

You do know that NA stands for ‘ No Action’ don’t you!!!!??

Only messing mate (sort of).... definitely worth trying both fellowships to see which one suits but ultimately it’s all the same stuff.

 

Or not applicable:lol:

A meetings a meeting, though and addiction's addiction. 

Agree he needs to he around others who've been through it. 

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On 03/09/2020 at 7:32 PM, muscleman82 said:

Everyone has their demons, skeletons in the closet. I am a low level poly drug addict. I don't develop physical withdrawal but I am mentally addicted to not being sober, if that makes sense. 

I regularly use tramadol at low doses 100-150mg to get buzzed for training and train better, harder, stronger.  

I regularly use sleeping pills to knock myself out so I can recover better and train harder the next day, often because i can't sleep due to the tramadol or caffeine. 

I have recently gone down the slippery path of benzo use (Daily) for 8 weeks now due to stress, better sleep and recovery, relaxation and travel. These include real diazepam and xanax as well as UGL pills which could be anything benzo RC.

I inject vitamins to increase RBC count as well as homeopathic products that are not banned. 

I use pregabalin for the high and to reduce pain after training, stress relief. 

Its been months since ive had a completely sober day, although at a very low level of intoxication. 

I party maybe once a year, i enjoy my MDMA, ketamine and dancing. These enhance me. They genuinely add to my life spiritually. 

 

I am a professional athlete and these are the realities of what it takes to complete 'clean' against guys on testo, hgh and epo. At this point i believe this is healthier than what is legal and normal in pro sport. I know all sorts of legal stuff that goes on, its disgusting. A 19 year old kid crashed into a ravine in a big race recently and his team managers first response was to remove the bottle of pills from his pocket while he was fighting for his life. Its believed since tramadol (quite mild) was banned in pro cycling it has been replaced with Tapentadol (Class A Narcotic) or hydrocodone (Vicoden). It's sad. These are mixed with strong anti depressants to make the rider high as f**k and not feel a thing. 

 

My sport is the only thing that makes me happy, ive raced pro as a clean guy. I have still abused high strength cortisones, asthma drugs and thyroid hormones (ALL LEGAL!). 

 

My problem now is how to come back to a sober level. I am going through a dark patch mentally also. Very dark and I have seeked help for this. Although my weight lifting experience goes as far lifting 80kg in a single squat in my off season, BBing is the second sport  I follow and admire. The openness regarding drug use mostly. I respect that so much. The dedication and dieting is the same as for the hardest endurance sports. 

 

Has anyone else come close to what feels like a turning point like this before in their lives? Im only 25. Any advice or input would be great from someone older, wiser and been through it. I am lucky in that I have a very supportive family and friends. 

I drifted in and out of a few addictions/habits in my late teens and all through my 20s

From psychological addiction to cannabis from the age of 12 into my mid 20s (kindly broken when Her Majesty forced me off it for a couple years...to benzos, alcohol and cocaine

Was never formally diagnosed as "an addict" but it was very, very heavy use...especially towards the end

The question is mate, are you stopping because you want to...or because you feel you should?

If it's the former, because you want to, then that's more than half the battle

If it's the latter, because you feel you should, then you need to dig deep and find that "want" to change your life

I wanted to, and I had to...for all sorts of reasons. You just need to find yours

I'm in my early 40s now and it's all a distant memory

You'll get there mate

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23 hours ago, stuey99 said:

I drifted in and out of a few addictions/habits in my late teens and all through my 20s

From psychological addiction to cannabis from the age of 12 into my mid 20s (kindly broken when Her Majesty forced me off it for a couple years...to benzos, alcohol and cocaine

Was never formally diagnosed as "an addict" but it was very, very heavy use...especially towards the end

The question is mate, are you stopping because you want to...or because you feel you should?

If it's the former, because you want to, then that's more than half the battle

If it's the latter, because you feel you should, then you need to dig deep and find that "want" to change your life

I wanted to, and I had to...for all sorts of reasons. You just need to find yours

I'm in my early 40s now and it's all a distant memory

You'll get there mate

this is interesting...you've always seemed a bit of a character on here and respect for bringing this up. I'm sure a lot of us have a story ( or two !! ) to tell...

for the OP good luck to you...but contrary to others on here I personally found NA meeting boring as f**k...and ever so slightly weird to be honest...better to just talk it out with others you're close to where you can either go full into it or just have a laugh at the s**t you used to get up to...each to their own I guess.

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You sound alot like me with the drug use, you sound like you want to take them and morally know its wrong to use prescription meds without needing them.

ive had a 9 year tramadol and dehydracodiene addiction. Also whilst taking diazepam, xanax, Oramorph, weed, basically anything to get that type of high. Never had a coke problem.

I can only speak from experience mate but what it was for me was I was unhappy with my life. Id let things pass me by whilst using drugs to mask it and the longer I ignored it the worse it got.

I still get tempted to take them now but I also know what il lose if I do start. You need to keep your mind on making yourself what you want to be. The drugs will never help with that. I also found that the more I used, the more I felt I needed them for the energy, but after 6-8 weeks completely clean, I actually felt more more energetic that being on them, along with mental clarity and feeling good about myself. Feeling like that outweighed the short burst of energy followed by the disappointment in myself for taking them again, not to mention then taking sleepers to deal with the initial drugs keeping you up.

 

trust me, coming from someone that was doing 15 Tramadol 50mg a day and 20 dhc 30mg a day, clean is a much nicer feeling once you’re out of the place that you think you need them to work at top performance. They just make you think you’re better.

 

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