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Seppuku71

Worst thing you've done to a work colleague?

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I've worked in various factories for around 30 years now (engineering).  During that time i've had a few stunts pulled on me, and i've done a few good'uns myself.  Sometimed they can get pretty serious too. 

I had a shift partner that was peeved that he was having to train me up for his cushy area so that I could replace him (he was then going to be moved into a busier part of the factory).  Every day he'd be doing something to annoy me - making himself a tea, then walking past where i was sat with the tea bag on a spoon to go put it in the bin.  Instead he sneakily put it on my shoulder and just rattled the bin.  It takes a few seconds before the boiling water gets through overalls, but it bloody hurts when it does.  But it was a different thing every day.  Fcuking with my chair so it'd fall appart when i sat on it, screwing my toolbox to a bench, etc etc.  Well in the end i got him back best.  A mate of mine bought some clenbuterol pills from someone at a gym he'd joined.   He told me  he couldn't use it as it gave him the jitters.  So i got the stuff off  him. I ground the whole lot down into a powder, stuck it in my shift partners milk, and let him make himself cups of tea with it.  Anyhow, it didn't take too many cuppas for him to start shakking like a leaf.  Me and the apprentice kept asking him why he was shaking so much, both trying not to laugh.  I didn't realise how serious a drug it was, and after a while he went to see the works nurse.  Next thing we knew, the nurse had got one of the managers to rush him to hospital as his b/pressure was through the roof.  Thinking the t**t might die, i had to sneak out, buy some more milk, wash out his milk container and decant the new stuff into it.  He was kept in hospital overnight on observation.  I told him i'd poisoned him when he came back, he couldn't work out if i was winding him up. No more tea bags on the shoulder after that though, he got the message! 

What's the worst (best) you've done to anyone?  Or is this just a maint. engineering thing?  Just.noticed i've gone past my work lunch break by about 40min writting this.  

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Never done anything really bad and have worked for myself most of my life so apart from general piss taking don’t get time to f**k around.

one job I had at the stonemakers there was this right cheeky young c**t worked there, often when he was using the toilet I’d piss on some paper towels and throw them over the cubicle onto him or aim piss under the cubicle dividers at his boots. 

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Worked in a garage with a angry guy. 

Every time he got cross he'd kick the metal box the drill was kept in. 

So I screwed his steel toe boots to the wooden floor in the tea room  and welded the drill box to the leg of the work bench.

He grabbed his boots went mental stormed out to get a screwdriver  kicked the drill box and broke 3 toes.  

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13 minutes ago, drwae said:

Fisted her t**t while my dick was up her arse 

And people say romance is dead. Brought a year to my eye reading that. 

Probably brought tears to her eyes too. 

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Lol, some nasty buggers here on UKM!  :lol:

I had an old black (i'm not racist!) guy work with us in my last job.  Lazy, job avoiding, useless waste of space.  If any jobs got called in that were within an hour of his lunch break starting, he'd do anything to get out of doing it.  And if he did have a go, he'd fcuk it up, meaning i'd have to go put it right.  So one day, after he'd really racked me off, i came up.with a cunning plan.  Took his milk bottle.out the fridge, stuck my knob in (it was a huge bottle), and filmed.myself swishing it around.  I showed the other guys what i'd done, and when the lazy git had his afternoon coffee we all cracked up watching him basically drink my knob wash.

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3 minutes ago, vetran said:

He used to smoke weed /joints in the cabin at breaks so I crumbled in some dried up dog sh*t in his baccy tin 

That is such a lie lol!!! Trying to come up with some great imagination but just dident work hahahahahha

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1 hour ago, Jimmy2shoes said:

That is such a lie lol!!! Trying to come up with some great imagination but just dident work hahahahahha

It’s not a lie jimmy back in the 80s dog sh*t was everywhere many of the turds were white no idea what they were feeding them on and I promise you that’s not the worst I have done ;)

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Me n my mate ploughed in to a car in the wet in a lorry and smashed a disabled driver through the lights...fvcking nightmare trying to talk and calm him down before cops come was impossible..

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Worked in a garage

When people were shitting we'd spray brake cleaner under the door and light it

Also had a guy working under a dashboard, wedged in upside down with his head by the pedals. I got in the other side and farted everything I could push out, closed the door and left him to smell it. He was sick everywhere and couldn't get out.

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Never done anything personally but a work mate (office job) years back really hated this woman who worked there and he’d stick his hand down his keks and grab his pubes between his fingers and any that he pulled out he’d chuck on her desk. One time he threw a liberal sprinkling of them over her lunch.

Edit - when she wasn’t looking obviously 

Edit 2. She always went for a cigarette followed by a s**t at about 10am. He was considering liberally applying superglue to the toilet seats but he never did it

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Place i'd only been working at a couple of months, one of the guys there asked me to tell my shift partner he was urgently needed in the stores area at exactly 12:30pm.  He was getting married and they wanted to give him a surprise.  So i told him, he looked a bit confused as i couldn't tell him who needed him or why etc.  So off he goes. Five minutes later, the chap who asked me to get him over there burst through my workshop door laughing, box of eggs in his hand, "mate you've gotta come and throw some eggs at John".  I was too new and didn't want to get involved, but i popped over to see what was going on.  They'd tied him to a trolley, then splattered him with what looked like flour, oil, sawdust, along with eggs, and he was begging "no, no, no, please don't do that" because one of the dirty bstards had his knob out and was trying to pi$$ on him.  Really funny, and he still had half a shift to finish.

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On 04/03/2020 at 11:02 PM, Varg said:

Sacked a woman between christmas and new year just gone.

No regrets, she was shite and deserved it.

I read that as "she was white and deserved it" lol. I thought wow, that's some epic racism bro. :lol:

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On 04/03/2020 at 11:41 PM, Tricky said:

Took a dump on the roof of a car 

I did the same thing. Came into work pissed as a fart. Decided I'd sh1t on the bosses car for a laugh. Luckily the car was unlocked so I dropped my drawers and took a proper sloppy shite on the driver's seat. Unfortunately when I sobered up I realised it was my own car. Oh well, it was a fun experience. ;)

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On 04/03/2020 at 2:42 PM, Seppuku71 said:

I've worked in various factories for around 30 years now (engineering).  During that time i've had a few stunts pulled on me, and i've done a few good'uns myself.  Sometimed they can get pretty serious too. 

I had a shift partner that was peeved that he was having to train me up for his cushy area so that I could replace him (he was then going to be moved into a busier part of the factory).  Every day he'd be doing something to annoy me - making himself a tea, then walking past where i was sat with the tea bag on a spoon to go put it in the bin.  Instead he sneakily put it on my shoulder and just rattled the bin.  It takes a few seconds before the boiling water gets through overalls, but it bloody hurts when it does.  But it was a different thing every day.  Fcuking with my chair so it'd fall appart when i sat on it, screwing my toolbox to a bench, etc etc.  Well in the end i got him back best.  A mate of mine bought some clenbuterol pills from someone at a gym he'd joined.   He told me  he couldn't use it as it gave him the jitters.  So i got the stuff off  him. I ground the whole lot down into a powder, stuck it in my shift partners milk, and let him make himself cups of tea with it.  Anyhow, it didn't take too many cuppas for him to start shakking like a leaf.  Me and the apprentice kept asking him why he was shaking so much, both trying not to laugh.  I didn't realise how serious a drug it was, and after a while he went to see the works nurse.  Next thing we knew, the nurse had got one of the managers to rush him to hospital as his b/pressure was through the roof.  Thinking the t**t might die, i had to sneak out, buy some more milk, wash out his milk container and decant the new stuff into it.  He was kept in hospital overnight on observation.  I told him i'd poisoned him when he came back, he couldn't work out if i was winding him up. No more tea bags on the shoulder after that though, he got the message! 

What's the worst (best) you've done to anyone?  Or is this just a maint. engineering thing?  Just.noticed i've gone past my work lunch break by about 40min writting this.  

Best days of my life screwing around in workshops as an apprentice!

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57 minutes ago, LethweiUK said:

Best days of my life screwing around in workshops as an apprentice!

Flipping heck, as an apprentice that's pretty much all any of us were doing! I was doing one of my every 3 month placements in the factory, about 17 years old.  The guys there were all pretty old and gnarly, no nonsense, mechanical fitters.  The one guy used to bring a sandwich in every day, inside a paper bag.  He'd put this on a shelf above his work bench untill lunch time.  Same routine every day, man of habit.  Well, one of my mates had a move with me to this part of the factory, and we'd often  sneak off and meet up with one of the other apprentices  (Jim) and just generally doss.  This one day,  Jim told us he'd found a dead mouse earlier.  The other lad (Stu) asked where it was. "In the bin".  So Stu decided we could have some fun with this dead mouse (as you do), and took it back with us.  Next thing you know, he's got the old guys sarnie out the bag and put the dead mouse in.  With its paws and face sticking out.  Oh how funny we thought we were, and oh how the sandwich owner was going to laugh when he saw this mouse!!   I tell you what, i'm glad Stu was nearer him than me when he saw it.  The guy looked like he was near retirement, with completely white, swept back hair - but he moved faster than Anthony Joshua that day (not hard), got my mate by the nose, and pulled him down to the floor while shouting and swearing at him.  I did the right thing to do in that kind of situation, pi$$ed myself laughing and ran off till i knew the old guys shift had finished.

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