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Fadi

YOUR FIRST THOUGHT

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YOUR FIRST THOUGHT

 

I’d like to share something with you today on this forum. It’s not something I was born knowing, but it was something that had to be nurtured throughout the years and made more and more powerful as time went by. It’s your mental attitude and how you can cultivate and shape it to make your life as successful and enjoyable for you as well as for others who come in contact with you.

According to the dictionary, a mental attitude is a complex mental state involving beliefs and feelings and values and dispositions to act in certain ways: "he had the attitude that work was fun".

If you can only fathom the power of your single thought, you would never allow a negative thought again. You don’t need a nuclear weapon to destroy yourself, oh no; one single negative thought would be enough to annihilate and rain down a most destructive force upon you.

We grow up being told how beautiful and smart we are; but we also grow up whilst being told how ugly, dumb and have no hope of ever succeeding in this world. As long as the positive outweighs the negative comments, we tend to make it through to adulthood in one sane piece.

Now we’re adults and we are told not to let others put us down with their negative comments. Not to let others get to us and affect our attitude. But the irony of it all is that we yes we, are the worst offenders to our own selves. We limit our own potential and judge our sense of self-worth better than our worst enemy can ever dream of judging. So what does it, and is there a formula to rise above the negativity and ride the road to creating a winning attitude? I say yes!

thought-leader.jpg

You see, your attitude determines your altitude. Yes, but more powerful still is that your attitude and not your aptitude will most certainly determine your altitude. It all starts with that chatter box inside of your head, that first thought. It tells you that you can’t and won’t because you’re simply not good or pretty enough. It wants to pull you down and it’s all happening inside your own head, whilst the world goes on with its business. If you allow this negative chatter to go on unabated, it will take you to the next step in this formula of negative “attitude”. That next step is your subconscious, where all thoughts of self-worth, self-image, and the opinion you have of who you are, are reinforced. This reinforcement of who you believe you are now will then begin to control your performance; the way you perceive the world to be and the way your life is running. This outlook on the world then reinforces the next wave of chatter boxes. Unfortunately this cycle becomes a vicious circle, where your negative actions will determine your next negative chatter box and so on.

As you can see, it has all started with a thought, a negative thought. Well, why not make that first triggering thought a positive one. Then your chatter box would be feeding your self-esteem and playing a tremendous role to strengthen it, which will reinforce your subconscious of your self-worth, which will have you act in a positive manner, which will lead to more success and so on. It all began with that first thought do not forget.

I know we’re human beings; a bubble of emotions and not some dry abstract robotic machines. Sometimes we do get down for whatever reason, and that may be fine but for a brief moment in time. Allow that feeling to prolong, and you’ll allow the seed to grow into a giant tree. It’s always best to cut the negative feeling as early as possible when the proportion of strength is in your favour. Failing to do so could have a disastrous consequence on your attitude.

I’ll leave you with this final thought...

If the first negative inward thought is not warded off, it will generate a desire, then the desire will generate a wish, and the wish will generate an intention, and the intention will generate the action, and the action will result in ruin. So negativity must be cut off at its root, which is when it is simply a thought that crosses the mind, from which all other things follow on.

6f634d120c6c69ac8f344e9d52e9a424.jpg

 

I thank you for reading.

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25 minutes ago, Oioi said:

What the sweet baby Jesus is this babble? 

For you it's just that...babble. For someone else perhaps, they might find something there they can relate to.

In any case, I thank you for taking the time to read it, and wish you a great day.

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On 18/03/2017 at 10:16 AM, Fadi said:

YOUR FIRST THOUGHT

 

I’d like to share something with you today on this forum. It’s not something I was born knowing, but it was something that had to be nurtured throughout the years and made more and more powerful as time went by. It’s your mental attitude and how you can cultivate and shape it to make your life as successful and enjoyable for you as well as for others who come in contact with you.

According to the dictionary, a mental attitude is a complex mental state involving beliefs and feelings and values and dispositions to act in certain ways: "he had the attitude that work was fun".

If you can only fathom the power of your single thought, you would never allow a negative thought again. You don’t need a nuclear weapon to destroy yourself, oh no; one single negative thought would be enough to annihilate and rain down a most destructive force upon you.

We grow up being told how beautiful and smart we are; but we also grow up whilst being told how ugly, dumb and have no hope of ever succeeding in this world. As long as the positive outweighs the negative comments, we tend to make it through to adulthood in one sane piece.

Now we’re adults and we are told not to let others put us down with their negative comments. Not to let others get to us and affect our attitude. But the irony of it all is that we yes we, are the worst offenders to our own selves. We limit our own potential and judge our sense of self-worth better than our worst enemy can ever dream of judging. So what does it, and is there a formula to rise above the negativity and ride the road to creating a winning attitude? I say yes!

thought-leader.jpg

You see, your attitude determines your altitude. Yes, but more powerful still is that your attitude and not your aptitude will most certainly determine your altitude. It all starts with that chatter box inside of your head, that first thought. It tells you that you can’t and won’t because you’re simply not good or pretty enough. It wants to pull you down and it’s all happening inside your own head, whilst the world goes on with its business. If you allow this negative chatter to go on unabated, it will take you to the next step in this formula of negative “attitude”. That next step is your subconscious, where all thoughts of self-worth, self-image, and the opinion you have of who you are, are reinforced. This reinforcement of who you believe you are now will then begin to control your performance; the way you perceive the world to be and the way your life is running. This outlook on the world then reinforces the next wave of chatter boxes. Unfortunately this cycle becomes a vicious circle, where your negative actions will determine your next negative chatter box and so on.

As you can see, it has all started with a thought, a negative thought. Well, why not make that first triggering thought a positive one. Then your chatter box would be feeding your self-esteem and playing a tremendous role to strengthen it, which will reinforce your subconscious of your self-worth, which will have you act in a positive manner, which will lead to more success and so on. It all began with that first thought do not forget.

I know we’re human beings; a bubble of emotions and not some dry abstract robotic machines. Sometimes we do get down for whatever reason, and that may be fine but for a brief moment in time. Allow that feeling to prolong, and you’ll allow the seed to grow into a giant tree. It’s always best to cut the negative feeling as early as possible when the proportion of strength is in your favour. Failing to do so could have a disastrous consequence on your attitude.

I’ll leave you with this final thought...

If the first negative inward thought is not warded off, it will generate a desire, then the desire will generate a wish, and the wish will generate an intention, and the intention will generate the action, and the action will result in ruin. So negativity must be cut off at its root, which is when it is simply a thought that crosses the mind, from which all other things follow on.

6f634d120c6c69ac8f344e9d52e9a424.jpg

 

I thank you for reading.

Easier said than done, I have been happily married for 30 years, I have fed, clothed and nurtured two beautiful, intelligent and happy young ladies. I have done many things to be proud of in my life, I even saved a mans life once, yet I still lie in bed at times and torment myself with the mistakes I made in my late teens / early twentys.

But I have to agree with you entirely, perception is reality. If a glass is 50% full you can perceive it as half full or as half empty, the volume of water will not change just how you feel about it; however if you perceive that something is beyond you and that you are unable to do/achieve that thing, then you will most likely fail when you try, but if you perceive that you can do/achieve a goal your chances of success greatly increase and if you don't manage it this time you don't give up defeated, you find a way. 

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7 hours ago, BestBefore1989 said:

Easier said than done, I have been happily married for 30 years, I have fed, clothed and nurtured two beautiful, intelligent and happy young ladies. I have done many things to be proud of in my life, I even saved a mans life once, yet I still lie in bed at times and torment myself with the mistakes I made in my late teens / early twentys.

But I have to agree with you entirely, perception is reality. If a glass is 50% full you can perceive it as half full or as half empty, the volume of water will not change just how you feel about it; however if you perceive that something is beyond you and that you are unable to do/achieve that thing, then you will most likely fail when you try, but if you perceive that you can do/achieve a goal your chances of success greatly increase and if you don't manage it this time you don't give up defeated, you find a way. 

Brilliant post Sir, thank you so much for sharing it with me. I'd like to address your self-torment by sharing my thoughts with you if you don't mind.

1. Let us be reasonable here ok. Now you don't receive a 20 year prison sentence for a minor traffic violation do you? Yet sometimes you sentence yourself to months or years of emotional pain over such minor offences. What is needed here is for us to set a limit.

2. So I ask, what sentence are you willing to impose on yourself? Furthermore, are you willing to stop suffering and making yourself feel miserable when your sentence has expired? At least this would be a sensible and responsible way to punish yourself, because now you've introduced the time-limiting factor into it. i.e. your sentence would be time-limited.

3. More often than not, when it comes to guilt, we're irrational. To check if you are being rational, you'd need to look at the intensity, duration, and consequences of the negative emotions you feel. Are they appropriate (do they measure up with what you're beating yourself over for)? More than likely the answer is a no. A healthy sense of remorse or regret is good, not so an abnormal guilt that is not appropriated accordingly.

4. Are you magnifying the offence? Most probably you have noble intentions. You feel you deserve to be punished. However the problem here is just like with fear - you can take it too far. If a hungry lion suddenly appeared before you, you'd be terrified. So terrified you'd probably do the bolt. Perfect, fear's serving you right. But you might get so afraid that you freeze in your place. This would be a disaster ... agree? Guilt is the same. It can prevent you from fixing the situation; make you feel so bad you can't function at 100%, and even lead to more guilt-provoking behaviour.

5. If you break your diet or give in to temptation, you might tell yourself, "I have no self-control." Does that sound like a belief that's going to lead to better behaviour in the future? Hardly Sir. The major thing that holds you back when you're trying to change a bad  habit like eating, smoking, or drinking too much, is your belief that you are out of control (as you've correctly stated in your post ... it's about how you perceive yourself). The problem here is that emotions like guilt are so powerful that they affect your reasoning. You feel bad, so you think you must be bad. Of course this comes from an irrational belief: "To be a good person I need to be good all the time." IS that even remotely realistic? I don't think so.

6. Your actions are not you. That does not mean you're not responsible for your actions; you are. However you are not defined by any one bad action. It's even irrational to assume that you can ever truly evaluate yourself as a good or bad human being. You will never have enough information. That "ass#&le" at the gym may be an excellent dad to his kids. That other "bad person" at work who screwed up big time today, may have lead his company to a huge breakthrough few years down the line. We will never have enough information to holistically evaluate a person and score them in totality as "bad" or "good". So accept yourself ... but realise your behaviour can be bad. Guilt helps no one. What should fill its place? Remorse ... a word you yourself have chosen to use in your post, well done on that Champ. Remorse is when you feel bad about what you did (that's you right there), guilt however, is when you feel bad about who you are.

In conclusion:

I hope after reading the above, you've come to realise that you're not a bad person, though you did something bad. Many people think they'd feel less guilty if they had more self-esteem. Wrong. You don't need more self-esteem. You need more self-compassion Sir. You are human. You will screw up. Denying that is insane. Forgiving yourself has all the benefits of self-esteem without making you a narcissist that's out of touch with reality. Say sorry for what they think you did wrong, not what you think you did wrong. And finally, you're not a bad person. But sometimes you do bad things. You know what that makes you Sir?

 

Human!

 

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On 18/03/2017 at 10:31 AM, Fadi said:

For you it's just that...babble. For someone else perhaps, they might find something there they can relate to.

In any case, I thank you for taking the time to read it, and wish you a great day.

Yeah I can just see babble aswel bro, do you write these posts while extremely high on drugs?

when ever I’ve made an attempt to read one of your posts(never got past the second paragraph)I feel like I’m reading Alice in wonder land or maybe fear and loathing in Las Vegas or such like.

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57 minutes ago, Fadi said:

Brilliant post Sir, thank you so much for sharing it with me. I'd like to address your self-torment by sharing my thoughts with you if you don't mind.

1. Let us be reasonable here ok. Now you don't receive a 20 year prison sentence for a minor traffic violation do you? Yet sometimes you sentence yourself to months or years of emotional pain over such minor offences. What is needed here is for us to set a limit.

2. So I ask, what sentence are you willing to impose on yourself? Furthermore, are you willing to stop suffering and making yourself feel miserable when your sentence has expired? At least this would be a sensible and responsible way to punish yourself, because now you've introduced the time-limiting factor into it. i.e. your sentence would be time-limited.

3. More often than not, when it comes to guilt, we're irrational. To check if you are being rational, you'd need to look at the intensity, duration, and consequences of the negative emotions you feel. Are they appropriate (do they measure up with what you're beating yourself over for)? More than likely the answer is a no. A healthy sense of remorse or regret is good, not so an abnormal guilt that is not appropriated accordingly.

4. Are you magnifying the offence? Most probably you have noble intentions. You feel you deserve to be punished. However the problem here is just like with fear - you can take it too far. If a hungry lion suddenly appeared before you, you'd be terrified. So terrified you'd probably do the bolt. Perfect, fear's serving you right. But you might get so afraid that you freeze in your place. This would be a disaster ... agree? Guilt is the same. It can prevent you from fixing the situation; make you feel so bad you can't function at 100%, and even lead to more guilt-provoking behaviour.

5. If you break your diet or give in to temptation, you might tell yourself, "I have no self-control." Does that sound like a belief that's going to lead to better behaviour in the future? Hardly Sir. The major thing that holds you back when you're trying to change a bad  habit like eating, smoking, or drinking too much, is your belief that you are out of control (as you've correctly stated in your post ... it's about how you perceive yourself). The problem here is that emotions like guilt are so powerful that they affect your reasoning. You feel bad, so you think you must be bad. Of course this comes from an irrational belief: "To be a good person I need to be good all the time." IS that even remotely realistic? I don't think so.

6. Your actions are not you. That does not mean you're not responsible for your actions; you are. However you are not defined by any one bad action. It's even irrational to assume that you can ever truly evaluate yourself as a good or bad human being. You will never have enough information. That "ass#&le" at the gym may be an excellent dad to his kids. That other "bad person" at work who screwed up big time today, may have lead his company to a huge breakthrough few years down the line. We will never have enough information to holistically evaluate a person and score them in totality as "bad" or "good". So accept yourself ... but realise your behaviour can be bad. Guilt helps no one. What should fill its place? Remorse ... a word you yourself have chosen to use in your post, well done on that Champ. Remorse is when you feel bad about what you did (that's you right there), guilt however, is when you feel bad about who you are.

In conclusion:

I hope after reading the above, you've come to realise that you're not a bad person, though you did something bad. Many people think they'd feel less guilty if they had more self-esteem. Wrong. You don't need more self-esteem. You need more self-compassion Sir. You are human. You will screw up. Denying that is insane. Forgiving yourself has all the benefits of self-esteem without making you a narcissist that's out of touch with reality. Say sorry for what they think you did wrong, not what you think you did wrong. And finally, you're not a bad person. But sometimes you do bad things. You know what that makes you Sir?

 

Human!

 

Thank you Fadi, in truth I was never that bad, just young and foolish and yes your are correct its silly to still be cringing at my mistakes so many years later, I should have let them go a long time ago.

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