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hmmm
Joined
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1,430 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?

A. The grip.

Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?

A . They don't have ba//s to scratch!

Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?

A. They both like a tight seal.

Q Why is divorce so expensive?

A. Because it's worth it!


Q. What is a Yankee?






A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.






Q. What's the height of conceit?





A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.












Q. What's the definition of macho?






A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.



 

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Eat big, train big!
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2,245 Posts
A physically large guy meets a woman at a bar, and after a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place.

As they are making out in the bedroom, ready for the act, he stands up and starts to undress. After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says, "See there, baby? That's 1000 pounds of Dynamite!"

She begins to drool. The man drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder's pose, and says, referring to his bulging legs, "See those, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite!" She is aching for action at this point.

Finally, he drops his underpants, and she grabs her purse and runs screaming to the front door.

He catches her before she is able to run out the door, and asks, "Why are you in such a hurry to leave?"

She replies, "With 2000 pounds of dynamite, and such a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!"
 

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Hulking Out!
Joined
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1,950 Posts
whats the difference between amir khan and a rustler? about 7 seconds.

a black guy, a jew and a priest jump off a bridge, who hits the ground first?

amir khan.

a family are travelling on a motorway behind a rubbish truck, a dildo flies out and hits the windscreen, the mother quickly turns to explain to her young son that it was just a big fly. the boy replies "i'm suprised it can get off the ground with a massive cock like that."
 

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hmmm
Joined
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1,430 Posts
Discussion Starter · #7 ·
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station.

She tells the Mechanic it died.

After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.

She Says, "What's the story?"

He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"

She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn.

She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature.

Her Question was,

"If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your Name, can you hear it?"

She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two New dogs, and asked her what their names were.

The blonde Responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one Was named Timex.

Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like That?"

"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blonde. "They're Watch dogs!"
 

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hmmm
Joined
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1,430 Posts
Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Q: What are the small bumps around a woman's nipples for?

A: It's Braille for "suck here."

Q: What is an Australian kiss?

A: It is the same as a French kiss, but only down under.

Q: What do you do with 365 used condoms?

A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Q: Why are hurricanes normally named after women?

A: When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.
 

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hmmm
Joined
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1,430 Posts
Discussion Starter · #9 ·
A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she

is staying home because she is not feeling well.

"What's the matter?" he asks

"I have a case of anal glaucoma," she says in a weak voice.

"What the hell is anal glaucoma?"

"I can't see my a$$ coming into work today."
 
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