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Things you will never hear your missus say

2K views 51 replies 23 participants last post by  Jonferimonic 
#1 ·
But if you do, fair play :D

I'll swallow it all, I love the taste.

Are you sure you've had enough to drink?

I'm bored, let's shave my pussy!

Shouldn't you be down the pub with your mates?

That fart was great! Do another one!

I've decided to stop wearing clothes in the house.

You're so sexy with a hangover.

I'd rather play Virtua Fighter than go shopping.

Let's start subscribing to Penthouse.

Would you like to see a video of me going down on my girlfriend?

Just for a change, can we try anal sex tonight?

I really like football, can you take me to a game.

You'd better drive. You're far safer than I am and besides, everyone knows women can't drive.

Actually we shouldn't have been given the vote, we're better off in the kitchen.

I think a big motorbike is a good idea.

I don't care if my bum looks big in this, let's just go and get ****ed.

We haven't gone out with your mates for a while, shall we all go to Stringfellows.

Why can't you let your hair down and have a few vodka chasers with me.

I know you're already late for work, but can I gag on it just one more time.

Aim where you like, it's really good for my skin

You know, I've been complaining a lot lately. I don't blame you for ignoring me.

The new girl in my office is a stripper. I invited her over for dinner on Friday.

Microwave food again? Brilliant.

I liked that wedding even more than ours. Your ex-girlfriend has class.

I love hearing stories about your ex-girlfriends. Tell me more.

Let's just leave the toilet seat up all the time; then you won't have to mess with it anymore.

It's only half time; you should get a few more beers in.

I'm so happy with my new hairstyle, I don't think I'll ever change it again.

I love it when my pillow smells of **** and lager. You passed out before brushing your teeth again, you big silly.

Let's go shopping so you can check out the womens' ****s.

I'll be out painting the house.

I love it when you play football on a Sunday. I just wish you had time to play on Saturday too.

Our new neighbour's daughter is sunbathing again. Come and look.

I know it's a lot tighter back there, but would you please try again.

No, I'll take the car to have the oil changed.

Let me pay.

Your mother did a great job raising you. She's so much better than mine.

Do me a favour and forget that stupid Valentine's Day thing. Save your money for buying beer.

I understand fully. Our anniversary comes every year.

Oh, not shopping again. Let's go to the new all-day strip club instead.

Look, I make enough money for both of us. Why don't you retire and get that nagging handicap down to a seven or eight.

Stop getting up for night feedings. You need your sleep.

God, I swear, if I don't get to blow you soon I'm going to burst.

I just signed up for Yoga so I can get my ankles behind my head just for you.
 
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#13 ·
Beklet said:
I am the current champion - and that was BEFORE I started back on the protein shakes, lol :lol:

Made my mate gag yesterday when were were in the garage :whistling: :thumb:
do a protein fart in your hand becks, then go give someone a kiss n let it go :lol: :lol: small things do still amuse the small delirious mind lol xxx
 
#17 ·
I'll swallow it all, I love the taste. - only certain blokes though - you all taste different

Are you sure you've had enough to drink? Hey how else do you think I pull?

I'm bored, let's shave my pussy! But it was a precursor to him shaving his back, lol

Shouldn't you be down the pub with your mates? You're doing my head in

You're so sexy with a hangover. Because you're so monged I can do whatever I like to you

I'd rather play Virtua Fighter than go shopping. Actually it was Guitar Hero but still...

Let's start subscribing to Penthouse. Actually it was Skin 2

I really like football, can you take me to a game. Speedway not football

You'd better drive. You're far safer than I am and besides, everyone knows women can't drive. Because I was drunk... :rolleyes:

I think a big motorbike is a good idea. Or classic car, hot rod etc etc

I don't care if my bum looks big in this, let's just go and get ****ed. Said many times

We haven't gone out with your mates for a while, shall we all go to Stringfellows. Rock City

Why can't you let your hair down and have a few vodka chasers with me. Jack Daniels

Aim where you like, it's really good for my skin it's better than getting pregnant

You know, I've been complaining a lot lately. I don't blame you for ignoring me. Now what about that make up sex?

I love hearing stories about your ex-girlfriends. Tell me more. They make me seem sane :)

It's only half time; you should get a few more beers in. Then you'll be passed out so I don't have to hear about it al night

I love it when you play football on a Sunday. I just wish you had time to play on Saturday too. At least it would clear both your hangovers, you miserable sod

Our new neighbour's daughter is sunbathing again. Come and look. What a chav freak

I know it's a lot tighter back there, but would you please try again. You're so small I can't feel you anywhere else :ban:

No, I'll take the car to have the oil changed. The mechanic is well fit

Let me pay. Nothing I can add, lol

Your mother did a great job raising you. She's so much better than mine. THis is actually likely to be true in 99% of cases :sad:

Do me a favour and forget that stupid Valentine's Day thing. Save your money for buying beer. As long as you buy me one too, we can show our love in other ways :devil2:

God, I swear, if I don't get to blow you soon I'm going to burst. I have actually said this. He got embarrassed and ran away. Freak :crying:
 
#23 ·
Beklet said:
I'll swallow it all, I love the taste. - only certain blokes though - you all taste different

Are you sure you've had enough to drink? Hey how else do you think I pull?

I'm bored, let's shave my pussy! But it was a precursor to him shaving his back, lol

Shouldn't you be down the pub with your mates? You're doing my head in

You're so sexy with a hangover. Because you're so monged I can do whatever I like to you

I'd rather play Virtua Fighter than go shopping. Actually it was Guitar Hero but still...

Let's start subscribing to Penthouse. Actually it was Skin 2

I really like football, can you take me to a game. Speedway not football

You'd better drive. You're far safer than I am and besides, everyone knows women can't drive. Because I was drunk... :rolleyes:

I think a big motorbike is a good idea. Or classic car, hot rod etc etc

I don't care if my bum looks big in this, let's just go and get ****ed. Said many times

We haven't gone out with your mates for a while, shall we all go to Stringfellows. Rock City

Why can't you let your hair down and have a few vodka chasers with me. Jack Daniels

Aim where you like, it's really good for my skin it's better than getting pregnant

You know, I've been complaining a lot lately. I don't blame you for ignoring me. Now what about that make up sex?

I love hearing stories about your ex-girlfriends. Tell me more. They make me seem sane :)

It's only half time; you should get a few more beers in. Then you'll be passed out so I don't have to hear about it al night

I love it when you play football on a Sunday. I just wish you had time to play on Saturday too. At least it would clear both your hangovers, you miserable sod

Our new neighbour's daughter is sunbathing again. Come and look. What a chav freak

I know it's a lot tighter back there, but would you please try again. You're so small I can't feel you anywhere else :ban:

No, I'll take the car to have the oil changed. The mechanic is well fit

Let me pay. Nothing I can add, lol

Your mother did a great job raising you. She's so much better than mine. THis is actually likely to be true in 99% of cases :sad:

Do me a favour and forget that stupid Valentine's Day thing. Save your money for buying beer. As long as you buy me one too, we can show our love in other ways :devil2:

God, I swear, if I don't get to blow you soon I'm going to burst. I have actually said this. He got embarrassed and ran away. Freak :crying:
OMG A girl after my own heart..... every single one..... :thumb:

haha reps!!!!
 
#25 ·
weeman said:
thats the spirit lol

oh and please,do elaborate :whistling:
Is this gonna turn into another stockings and suspenders thread?! I have maintained an air of mystery on the site so far, so don't wanna go giving away all my secrets, but I'm sure 1 or 2 won't hurt!

Let's start subscribing to Penthouse - Actually subscribed to it this week

Would you like to see a video of me going down on my girlfriend? - Not in so many words but ..........

I think a big motorbike is a good idea. - Bf has got one already so no big deal there

I love hearing stories about your ex-girlfriends. Tell me more. - I do! Must be a bit odd!

And a few more that I won't mention!
 
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