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Discussion Starter · #81 ·
Thanks for the comment. I was only on for 18 months and did HCG throughout. I expected PCT to be rough with libido and experiences, but never expected it to be like this mentally. The funny thing is, my libido is absolutely fine. It's just the anxiety thats a killer
It very well could be something else.

I'd aim to tackle the anxiety as it's own condition rather than hyper focusing on hormones.

Proper sleep, addressing any deficiencies in your diet, plenty of healthy fats, doing a couple of hours of legitimate steady state cardio per week like going for a jog every week day for 25 minutes, KSM 66, meditation, Wim Hof method ect
 

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Looking Freaky
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It very well could be something else.

I'd aim to tackle the anxiety as it's own condition rather than hyper focusing on hormones.

Proper sleep, addressing any deficiencies in your diet, plenty of healthy fats, doing a couple of hours of legitimate steady state cardio per week like going for a jog every week day for 25 minutes, KSM 66, meditation, Wim Hof method ect
Yep you are right, it could be something else and testosterone triggered it. However, I have never suffered with this before and it started midway through a clomid/nolva PCT, so its weird. Perhaps my hormones are severely imbalanced, low test etc a bloodtest would help but as I explained above its not easy so looks like I have to just sit it out for a bit

There is also a possibility that my anxiety is in my head, and the first time it happen was because of clomid/nolva and now im in a big loop of not wanting to repeat the same scenario again, and actually going outside will tell me that its over now.. maybe
 

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Yep you are right, it could be something else and testosterone triggered it. However, I have never suffered with this before and it started midway through a clomid/nolva PCT, so its weird. Perhaps my hormones are severely imbalanced, low test etc a bloodtest would help but as I explained above its not easy so looks like I have to just sit it out for a bit

There is also a possibility that my anxiety is in my head, and the first time it happen was because of clomid/nolva and now im in a big loop of not wanting to repeat the same scenario again, and actually going outside will tell me that its over now.. maybe
Did you use a 19nor?
 

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Couldn't face it, not yet anyway.

Psychological addiction is an extremely powerful thing and procrastination is a strong telltale sign of.

Just the idea of not feeling super charged with androgens and all that comes with it, the overwhelming enhancement of training and all things gym, the ability to continue to progress where you would otherwise stall after very little time at all, the sense of well being, the crazy libido.

The thought of it all as I trundled along on the lowest my test level has been in many years in preparation to go even lower (to nothing) and hopefully recovery some measly sub 30nmol level has been on my mind for months and I just can't attack it at the moment.

The reasoning for coming off so abruptly was largely down to a **** it mentality as many aspects of life took a nose dive for me but logically looking at it, tanked hormones right now on top of everything else is the last thing I need.

I'd like to think when I can finally get things sorted again that I will have a stab recovery but even the prospect of being as small and feeble as every other natty is a daunting thought in it's own right.

Either way, apologies to those that followed this thread for a guinea pig

guess you could say 'I just didn't have the bollocks'
Why not just stop blasting and do TRT or TRT+. Stick to pharma grade. <250mg test with some primo or var thrown in occasionally.

I don't understand the guys saying a jab a week is such a massive commitment or reflects some kind of addiction.

Consider the alternative. Turning into a flabby sack of potatoes if you're natty and 40+.

Yea I get it's perhaps a little disquieting to be reliant on a pharmaceutical the rest of your life. But half the people on the planet are. I'm grateful these drugs are around. Steroids are modern day alchemy except they actually work.
 

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It's funny, I shot 500mg of testosterone this morning and as the days gone on (yes @Thedynamitekid literally asked on thee day I folded) I've felt vastly improved in mood, wellbeing and libido whilst simultaneously disappointed in myself.

Never mind, steroids are a true forbidden fruit, subtle enough to live a perfectly manageable life of enhancement in all avenues but for some a constant dark cloud of commitment.

I'll leave this thread open with the intention of one day truly picking it back up but now isn't the time.
I'm not saying that I don't think you should give full recovery a go at some point, if I could, I would. But I've been down that rabbit hole before, and staying away is impossible for me now.

Looking the way that I do is part of my identity, and during the time I was recovering, I had lost it. You could say that I lost myself as well to some extent. When I took time off to try and recover, I did still look better than most, but it was nowhere near what I look like with a modest dose of 150mg testosterone a week. At this TRT dose (prescribed and monitored by a Dr), I look better than I did in my 20s when I was doing regular deca and tren cycles - sure, I was bigger, but I'm way more aesthetic and healthy now.

In the end, I accepted the fact that the only way for me to fix myself, both physically and mentally, is to hop into a time machine, go back 15 years, and avoid steroids altogether.

I do two jabs a week for my TRT (I get oestrogen sides doing one jab) and I'm now working with a coach to prep for bodybuilding shows next year. Sticking to very moderate dosages, I want to see how well I can do. My coach is an IFFB pro bodybuilder and competed in the Olympia at one point, but is now retired due to health issues. I feel there's nobody better to have with me on my journey, getting as big and lean as possible without compromising my health and putting it first. Jay Cutler is a good example of somebody that has always taken things to extremes with no major health issues (other than mechanical injuries).

I might start a log, but I don't want to post pictures because my tattoos are a dead giveaway as to who I am (to those who know me, and yes, of course I claim natty to the 99% of people that stigmatise steroid use) and I want to remain anonymous.
 

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Discussion Starter · #87 ·
Why not just stop blasting and do TRT or TRT+. Stick to pharma grade. <250mg test with some primo or var thrown in occasionally.

I don't understand the guys saying a jab a week is such a massive commitment or reflects some kind of addiction.

Consider the alternative. Turning into a flabby sack of potatoes if you're natty and 40+.

Yea I get it's perhaps a little disquieting to be reliant on a pharmaceutical the rest of your life. But half the people on the planet are. I'm grateful these drugs are around. Steroids are modern day alchemy except they actually work.
No matter what I'd be done with 19nors I imagine.

I tolerate them well overall but they're just such ****ers on mental and physical health.

You don't need to resign to a life of being flabby at 40, plenty of natural people out there that stay in decent shape.

Besides when the time comes that I'm truly eligible then I'm not opposed to prescribed trt.

I'm in my early 30s and although my test would be on a steady natural decline now anyway, I think I have a reasonable chance of recovering an acceptable level of endogenous testosterone and living with it for the next decade or so.

Or perhaps not, maybe I'm entirely hypogondal.

I'm fairly confident my leydig cells are responsive but of course I've not tested the hypothalamus, could very well be secondary.

I'm sure I'll find out at some stage in the not too distant future.
 

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Discussion Starter · #89 ·
after 7 years of suppression with no HCG I would question their existence 😂😂😂
Just kidding.
Thankfully I've never been a petit poi sort but still had some atrophy that was corrected with a month of hcg at 1000iu split over two shots per week.
 

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Discussion Starter · #90 ·
So further to yesterday's post, 500mg test and 500mg primo is in.

I feel ****ing astounding from a hormonal persp obviously.

Running this cop out cycle will actually play a two part benefit

Firstly I can forget about coming off and crashing my hormones during a challenging time, I'm not going through the ins and outs as this is multilayered but to remove some of the mystique I do have some mild health concerns and I'm in the midst of a divorce. No more on that ITT.

Secondly my last cycle that ended in July was nandrolone decanoate and as anyone knows the half life is only really half the picture with deca, the metabolites can be a nightmare for lingering in adipose.

Does this mean you can't PCT 5x the half life after deca? No and in many cases you will be successful as we are talking trace amounts here

But for someone with as fragile an HPTA as mine, I want all cards stacked in my favour.

So roll your eyes for now but I wholeheartedly believe that I'll still be coming off before 2022.

I could have just as easily deleted this thread or just said I don't give a shit and want to stay on, that's been my mentality for past almost decade afterall

The reason I didn't is it is still my intention to come off and have it documented for others in a similar boat as it is a daunting task that many will heavily research beforehand and if this thread gives one other lentil bollocks a glimmer of hope and motivation, then it was worth documenting.
 

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So further to yesterday's post, 500mg test and 500mg primo is in.

I feel ****ing astounding from a hormonal persp obviously.

Running this cop out cycle will actually play a two part benefit

Firstly I can forget about coming off and crashing my hormones during a challenging time, I'm not going through the ins and outs as this is multilayered but to remove some of the mystique I do have some mild health concerns and I'm in the midst of a divorce. No more on that ITT.

Secondly my last cycle that ended in July was nandrolone decanoate and as anyone knows the half life is only really half the picture with deca, the metabolites can be a nightmare for lingering in adipose.

Does this mean you can't PCT 5x the half life after deca? No and in many cases you will be successful as we are talking trace amounts here

But for someone with as fragile an HPTA as mine, I want all cards stacked in my favour.

So roll your eyes for now but I wholeheartedly believe that I'll still be coming off before 2022.

I could have just as easily deleted this thread or just said I don't give a shit and want to stay on, that's been my mentality for past almost decade afterall

The reason I didn't is it is still my intention to come off and have it documented for others in a similar boat as it is a daunting task that many will heavily research beforehand and if this thread gives one other lentil bollocks a glimmer of hope and motivation, then it was worth documenting.
Sorry to hear about your divorce. Been there got the tshirt

If you’d have been open about that at the start of this thread then I’d have advised you against an attempt at recovery anyway. That’s not a dig btw, you don’t have to tell us fook all

On a lighter note, at least this way, you have a chance of staying swole and juicy asf for the next burd init.

And your ex wife won’t have a chance to laugh as you wither away to a sub 15st pencil neck

Winning
 

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I'm in the same boat. came off and been like 4 weeks after PCT and feeling like absolute rubbish, although a lot better than the first two weeks. I wake up, anxious all ****ing day.. I can't even go to the local shop without my heart beating crazily fast and telling me to go home. Had my first ever panic attack in my PCT at 37 years of age.. can't even leave the house in fear of it happening again. I also can't go to get bloodwork done, for reason above and last time I went the nurse punctured a tendon in my arm " oops she said " then I fainted, as you can imagine not looking forward to going back

resisted so far, I have test E and test P on hand and its getting increasingly likely I will hop back on and see if I feel better. If I don't, then I know the test triggered off some mental health issues
I also have t3 and proviron which are known to have a positive effect on anxiety but at the moment it will be like guess work
funnily enough I have some diazepam, tried 2.5mg and still had same feeling when I went local shop :(
Only use the dpam in emergencies because I did use them at a time of my anxiety from low t years back and after a week of using them I had a slight withdrawals and I felt like dog shit. Low t recovery can be a long road but you might recover quicker than me.
 

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So further to yesterday's post, 500mg test and 500mg primo is in.

I feel ****ing astounding from a hormonal persp obviously.

Running this cop out cycle will actually play a two part benefit

Firstly I can forget about coming off and crashing my hormones during a challenging time, I'm not going through the ins and outs as this is multilayered but to remove some of the mystique I do have some mild health concerns and I'm in the midst of a divorce. No more on that ITT.

Secondly my last cycle that ended in July was nandrolone decanoate and as anyone knows the half life is only really half the picture with deca, the metabolites can be a nightmare for lingering in adipose.

Does this mean you can't PCT 5x the half life after deca? No and in many cases you will be successful as we are talking trace amounts here

But for someone with as fragile an HPTA as mine, I want all cards stacked in my favour.

So roll your eyes for now but I wholeheartedly believe that I'll still be coming off before 2022.

I could have just as easily deleted this thread or just said I don't give a shit and want to stay on, that's been my mentality for past almost decade afterall

The reason I didn't is it is still my intention to come off and have it documented for others in a similar boat as it is a daunting task that many will heavily research beforehand and if this thread gives one other lentil bollocks a glimmer of hope and motivation, then it was worth documenting.
You know your stuff mate, you will be an inspiration to others that decide to come off for good. It can be done I did it myself but I’m too far in now. I think I’ll be trt for life :(

I definitely think having low testosterone during a divorce is a bad idea. I mean when your going through such a hard time we use anything to make us feel better I.e drugs, alcohol, sex, gym, projects, food ect ect. Low testosterone is a problem that you do not need and you will be feeling like shit plus you need a sex drive should you need it if you use sex as a distraction or in some cases we have sex with the ex wife again because the break up is too hard. Sex always makes me feel better. But either way swoll troll **** having low t in bad times. I come of testosterone during a bad time in my life and it did not help but once I injected I was less anxious.
One thing you said that did concern me was the years of needing to inject I have always hid this from myself plus using ugls we just don’t know what this will do to us in years to come. I occasionally get pharma grade but it’s getting harder for me to get these days especially because of this covid bull shit.
Anyways sorry to hear about the devorce. Keep us posted on your cycle/coming off and when you decide to come off we hope you stay on here as you have helped many including myself. Chin up, head down 💪 divorces are a messy messy thing.
 

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Looking Freaky
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Only use the dpam in emergencies because I did use them at a time of my anxiety from low t years back and after a week of using them I had a slight withdrawals and I felt like dog shit. Low t recovery can be a long road but you might recover quicker than me.
actually, some interesting developments, I don't think diazepam will be needed now. went to shop yday, no panic attacks.. felt weird. Not felt anxious since then. got my haircut yday and going to a resteraunt on saturday, think the worst is over but its took a good month
 

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actually, some interesting developments, I don't think diazepam will be needed now. went to shop yday, no panic attacks.. felt weird. Not felt anxious since then. got my haircut yday and going to a resteraunt on saturday, think the worst is over but its took a good month
That’s good mate but also keep putting yourself in these situations so you can get used to it on low testosterone. Remember you have good days and bad days but with low t it seems more bad than good.
 

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Looking Freaky
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@swole troll …..hiya mate so you know we have spoken about this at length of me coming off like 20 years on and off !
Well seeing you have a go made me thing !! Why don’t I have a go !!
I don’t no for a fact I can’t recover - we have spoke about longevity and me having 2 kids and the Mrs wants another one (39 now) so in essence I thought **** it !!!

If it doesn’t work at least I will know then and be happily resigned to the fact ! Got bloods back they where fine other than PSA, any who I come to this thread to see how my inspiration is doing and your packed up your balls and left lol!!!!!
….
Anyhow Im going a little different to start I’m front loading hcg and hmg full bottle a week for maybe a week or 2 I going to run clomid from the start !! I know controversial but I read someone possible Reddit and there really wasn’t anything negative from doing that other than sort of mimicking the hcg , but balls literally I just gunna throw the kitchen sink at it hcg , hmg as much as poss them serms
For a good while putting in bloods here and there - oh and a bit of adex ,
Zinc vid c, d blah blah blah .. I would say great effort mate but bit dry lunch lol…
 
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