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Wee G1436114539

Scottish Insults for your enjoyment

17 posts in this topic

Look's like she's been dooking for apples in a chip pan

Shes got a face like a dug lickin pish aff a nettle.

It looks like she's been set on fire and put out with a golf shoe!

She's got a face that could make an onion cry.

I wouldnae ride her into battle.

everyone has a right to be ugly, but she abuses the privilege

I wouldny do her with a rusty pole"

mair chins than a chinese phone book

...face like a melted welly

She smells like an alkies carpet

she has seen more japseyes than an oriental optician

It's like shaggin a pail of water.

It's like shaggin the sleeve aff a wizards cloak!

she's killed more cocks than a fowl butcher

fanny like a ripped out fireplace

face like a sand blasted tomato

**** like a bag a washing

Your face could get a job haunting houses

I wouldn't ride her if I had a bag of spare Dicks

She sweats like a dog in a Chinese restaurant

she's seen more helmets than Hitler

The wheels turning but the hamsters died

she has been cocked more times than Davy Crocket's Musket

face like a stuntman's knee

She's got a fanny like a badly packed kebab



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Heh heh - badly packed kebabs :laugh: still makes me laugh every time I hear it

She's so fat her bath has stretch marks...

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cracking qoutes good to here again!!!

here is another one:

From one Scot to another.......(in most cases)

<TT>You know you are a true Scot if...........</TT>

<TT>1. Ye can properly pronounce McConnochie, Ecclefechan, Milngavie,</TT>

<?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" /><st1:Street w:st="on"><st1:address style="BACKGROUND-POSITION: left bottom; BACKGROUND-IMAGE: url(res://ietag.dll/#34/#1001); BACKGROUND-REPEAT: repeat-x" tabIndex=0 w:st="on"><TT>Sauchiehall St</TT></st1:address></st1:Street><TT>, St Enoch, Auchtermuchty and Aufurfuksake.</TT>

<TT>2. Ye actually like deep fried battered pizza fae the chippie.</TT>

<TT>3. Yer used tae four seasons in wan day.</TT>

<TT>4. Ye canna pass a chip/kebab shop withoot sleverin when yer</TT>


<TT>5. Ye kin fall about pished withoot spilling yer drink.</TT>

<TT>6. Ye see people wearin shell suits with burberry accessories pure</TT>


<TT>7. Ye measure distance in minutes.</TT>

<TT>8. Ye kin understaun Rab C Nesbitt and know characters just like him,</TT>

<TT>in yer ain family.</TT>

<TT>9. Ye go tae <st1:place w:st=on">North Berwick</st1:place> cos ye think it is like gaun tae the</TT>


<TT>10. Ye kin make hael sentences jist wae sweer wurds.</TT>

<TT>11. Ye know whit haggis is made ae and stull like eating it.</TT>

<TT>12. Somedy ye know his used a fitba schedule tae plan thur wedding</TT>

<TT>day date.</TT>

<TT>13. You've been at a wedding and fitba scores are announced in the</TT>


<TT>14. Ye urny surprised tae find curries, pizzas, kebabs, fish n chips,</TT>

<TT>iron-bru, fags and nappies all in the wan shop.</TT>

<TT>15. Yer holiday home at the seaside has calor gas under it.</TT>

<TT>16. Ye know irn-bru is a hangover cure.</TT>

<TT>17. Ye learnt tae sweer afore ye learnt tae dae sums.</TT>

<TT>18. Ye actually understand this and yurr gonnae send it tae yer pals</TT>


<TT>19. Finally, you are 100% Scot if you have ever said/heard these</TT>


<TT>How's it hingin</TT>






Get it up ye

Wee beasties

Erse bandit


Away and bile yer heid


Humphey backit


Baw bag

Dubble nugget

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lol-the mrs just asked what am laughing at (sitting there on her badly packed kebab!)

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i never forget one my grandad used to say to me (im half scottish on my mums side) ARE YOU TALKING TO ME OR ARE YA CHOOIN A BRICK, EITHER WAY YIR GONNY LOOSE YA TEETH) lol he was only joking, ive got a full set of nashers :)

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