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Female friendship advice - Serious as possible please!

2K views 75 replies 35 participants last post by  Skye666 
#1 ·
Long story short. Wont go into the details as I usually follow my gut but I think my gut may be wrong on this occassion.

Met a couple a few months back. Got on with both but they did not seem to get on with each other.

Lo and behold they split up a few weeks back and Ive kept in touch with her as he doesnt use Facebook. I found her attractive but she was in a relationship and I'm not a scumbag

She has invited me to dinner. I am sure her motives are friendship, mine certainly are although she is a very attractive lass. I don't want to be some rebound style guy but she is adamant its over with ex partner. They will be in different countries soon. I want to be friends with her as she will be alone now and I get lonely too. Just not wanting to be used as ammunition to make the ex jealous, although thats maybe very horrible of me to say.

Question for the girls and a the guys. Do you think I should just go for tea and be pleasant? I have no intentions of making a move or anything like that as she has just come out of a relationship. Is it too soon to have some food with her. Its not a date but I don't want to be made a fool of but also don't want her to have no friends here as that would be very hard on her.

Serious responses please as this is a little tricky for me being a woman hater and all that!

Cheers
 
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#3 ·
Take it as it comes man,she could be thinking the same along the lines of having someone around.

or else she could be interested in you and youl go down that road then
Thanks. That seems the best way to play it but I dont want her ex and short term friend of mine to find out and think I am trying to take advantage. I'm genuinely not. I am tempted to let him know before we do meet just incase its a honey trap! Im being very hard on the lass probably but have to be cautious f'r reasons I wont bore you all with
 
#4 ·
As said above take it as it comes.

She may have invited you for a tea, then she pops dressed up ann&summers style then is up to you but I would do.

Or

She may have invited you for a friend opinion and chit chat about men and the whole situation as in this cases friends are much needed.

Bonus option

She may have invited you because she thinks you could be boyfriend material but she will keep it to a conversational level until the day that she will be ready...

Plenty of possibilities, seriously though, don't over think it, go and see what happens
 
#7 ·
She has just come out of a relationship with a guy I know. He was a short term friend. Just don't think it would be right so quickly after a split even if the offer was there. Not trying to be Mr nice guy here but think it would be wrong to take advantage. Saying that on the other hand its been a while! lol
 
#18 · (Edited by Moderator)
@Irish Beast What an invite your thread is :)

Seriously - friendship with women can exist, if you are mature enough and both understand boundaries.

In your case a few things seem to come together.

On the one hand here is a lady, that has become available and is clearly looking for company, your company.

On the other hand is yourself, that enjoys the companionship, but does not seem to want to jeopardise it, because you do not want to lose this connection.

Your fear of being a rebound or any of the sort is surely justified, but I sense some fear of losing this connection as well. Since you did say, that you feel lonely at times.

From what you have explained, you do not know her motives and therefore, there is no harm in going for dinner.

What you should clarify - is 1. Who broke off the relationship 2. preferably the reasons why.

Ladies correct me if I am wrong please. If the woman ends the relationship, in most cases, thats it. End of Story. A woman can exist in a relationship and detach from her partner in that time, so when she pulls the trigger - you are left wondering WTF just happened. (Men can do that same - woman seem to be quite keen on this type of behaviour.) Woman can then quite "easily" go on with their life, whereas men have a further battle with their ego's. Intimacy may be a different issue, but I think you understand what I am trying to say.

What I am getting at - have the dinner, see where the convo goes and take it from there. Be aware, that if she is simply out for sex and you deny her, she could break off the friendship out of embarrassment. Either way you may be in a tricky spot. Tread lightly and enjoy what ever the outcome may be.

Alternatively it could be the beginning of something beautiful :thumb

P.S: leave the ex out of it.. thats none of your concern.
 
#19 ·
@Irish Beast What an invite your thread is :)

Seriously - friendship with women can exist, if you are mature enough and both understand boundaries.

In your case a few things seem to come together.

On the one hand here is a lady, that has become available and is clearly looking for company, your company.

On the other hand is yourself, that enjoys the companionship, but does not seem to want to jeopardise it, because you do not want to lose this connection.

Your fear of being a rebound or any of the sort is surely justified, but I sense some fear of losing this connection as well. Since you did say, that you feel lonely at times.

From what you have explained, you do not know her motives and therefore, there is no harm in going for dinner.

What you should clarify - is 1. Who broke off the relationship 2. preferably the reasons why.

Ladies correct me if I am wrong please. If the woman ends the relationship, in most cases, thats it. End of Story. A woman can exist in a relationship and detach from her partner in that time, so when she pulls the trigger - you are left wondering WTF just happened. (Men can do that same - woman seem to be quite keen on this type of behaviour.) Woman can then quite "easily" go on with their life, whereas men have a further battle with their ego's. Intimacy may be a different issue, but I think you understand what I am trying to say.

What I am getting at - have the dinner, see where the convo goes and take it from there. Be aware, that if she is simply out for sex and you deny her, she could break off the friendship out of embarrassment. Either way you may be in a tricky spot. Tread lightly and enjoy what ever the outcome may be.

Alternatively it could be the beginning of something beautiful :thumb
Thanks for taking the time to write an insightful response

The question you raised is a real grey area. I have only heard her side of the story and she said she broke up with him as he was boring and did not have time for her daughter. However they went on holiday to their home abroad in an attempt to patch things up but hasnt worked out for her hence why she is coming back. Seems to be happy its over but I think shes putting on a brave face. Could be completely wrong of course!
 
#36 ·
That I am not sure off. I get the feeling not overly long but have yet to ask. I could be totally wrong of course!

Anyway the decision has been made for me as it happens. She missed her flight yesterday back to the UK and is crippled with Crohns today. Feel quite sorry for her as she was looking forward to getting back. Maybe its a sign!
 
#29 ·
If she wants a relationship and is ready, don't be the one who misses out. If shes interested she will let u know , if you don't step up then someone else will !

You can be respectful of the fact she has just broken up with her man, but don't be the one who misses the boat either.
 
#31 ·
she sounds like shes testing the waters in that f**ked up rebound way that women do,

if youve not known them long, then she is unlikely to be asking you round for 'support/friendship' as thats what other girls do,

if shes abit sour from the breakup she could be giving her self an ego boost by seeing if youll bite (cause of rebounds),

try finding out if shes just on the rebound or something else and decide what you want to do..
 
#34 ·
Serious responses please as this is a little tricky for me being a woman hater and all that!

Cheers
You do realise this is UKM and not Mums.net, dont you!? It's obvious what responses you're going to get. Haha.

In all seriousness though, buddy, @graham58 hit it on the head. Don't overthink it, just go and enjoy yourself and what will be, will be. :thumbup1:
 
#35 ·
Stop overthinking it and just take it at face value IMO.

I think it would be silly to discount anything on the basis of offending someone you hardly know who is moving abroad too so I'd not say owt to him, she's a free agent and checking in with her ex/hubby will do you no favours.
 
#39 · (Edited by Moderator)
I found her attractive but she was in a relationship and I'm not a scumbag

...I am sure her motives are friendship, mine certainly are (bullshit, see highlighted above) although she is a very attractive lass.
Just don't think it would be right so quickly after a split even if the offer was there. Not trying to be Mr nice guy here but think it would be wrong to take advantage (God, you're such a fanny). Saying that on the other hand its been a while! lol (Just fu**ing admit it... you want her fanny juices all over you)
Joking aside it would depend on hoe much wine had been consumed. My tolerance is pretty high though.

I honestly do no, I can't honestly answer that question (you're lying to yourself (in denial))
I have only heard her side of the story (sure you have, because you couldn't give a f**k about him) and she said she broke up with him as he was boring and did not have time for her daughter. However they went on holiday to their home abroad in an attempt to patch things up but hasnt worked out for her hence why she is coming back. Seems to be happy its over but I think shes putting on a brave face (is she f**k, he sounds a boring c**t).
I know you probably wont see that as 'serious', but it is.

My prediction on the situ is you've fallen for her and don't want to get hurt... either that or your fighting some sort of moral dilemma, just get over it and go and have some dinner (and remember to wash your cock before).
 
#45 · (Edited by Moderator)
I know you probably wont see that as 'serious', but it is.

My prediction on the situ is you've fallen for her and don't want to get hurt... either that or your fighting some sort of moral dilemma, just get over it and go and have some dinner (and remember to wash your cock before).
Everything you pointed out in your quote was accurate. Even if he personally doesnt believe it, that neanderthal part of his brain kicked in months ago.

@Irish Beast Smash n Dash kid, you know what im saying?
 
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