Irish Beast

Female friendship advice - Serious as possible please!

76 posts in this topic

Long story short. Wont go into the details as I usually follow my gut but I think my gut may be wrong on this occassion.

Met a couple a few months back. Got on with both but they did not seem to get on with each other. 

Lo and behold they split up a few weeks back and Ive kept in touch with her as he doesnt use Facebook.  I found her attractive but she was in a  relationship and I'm not a scumbag

She has invited me to dinner. I am sure her motives are friendship, mine certainly are although she is a very attractive lass. I don't want to be some rebound style guy but she is adamant its over with ex partner. They will be in different countries soon. I want to be friends with her as she will be alone now and I get lonely too. Just not  wanting to be used as ammunition to make the ex jealous, although thats maybe very horrible of me to say. 

Question for the girls and a the guys. Do  you think I should just go for tea and be pleasant? I have no intentions of making a move or anything like that as she has just come out of a relationship. Is it too soon to have some food with her. Its not a date but I don't want to be made a fool of but also don't want her to have no friends here as that would be very hard on her.

Serious responses please as this is a little tricky for me being a woman hater and all that!  

Cheers

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Take it as it comes man,she could be thinking the same along the lines of having someone around.

or else she could be interested in you and youl go down that road then

andyboro and Irish Beast like this

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8 minutes ago, Wheat said:

Take it as it comes man,she could be thinking the same along the lines of having someone around.

or else she could be interested in you and youl go down that road then

Thanks. That seems the best way to play it but I dont want her ex and short term friend of mine to find out and think I am trying to take advantage. I'm genuinely not. I am tempted to let him know before we do meet just incase its a honey trap! Im being very hard on the lass probably but have to be cautious f'r reasons I wont bore you all with

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As said above take it as it comes.

She may have invited you for a tea, then she pops dressed up ann&summers style then is up to you but I would do.

Or

She may have invited you for a friend opinion and chit chat about men and the whole situation as in this cases friends are much needed.

 

Bonus option

She may have invited you because she thinks you could be boyfriend material but she will keep it to a conversational level until the day that she will be ready...

 

Plenty of possibilities, seriously though, don’t over think it, go and see what happens

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8 minutes ago, Irish Beast said:

Thanks. That seems the best way to play it but I dont want her ex and short term friend of mine to find out and think I am trying to take advantage. I'm genuinely not. I am tempted to let him know before we do meet just incase its a honey trap! Im being very hard on the lass probably but have to be cautious f'r reasons I wont bore you all with

Depends whats your intentions are,if you dont keep in contact with him and then message saying im just going for dinner with your ex it wont look great haha

iwouldn't jump the gun too quick, its your decision how involved you get with her by how much time you spend with her.if it develops and you feel the need to let him know about it then do.

 

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She has just come out of a relationship with a guy I know. He was a short term friend. Just don't think it would be right so quickly after a split even if the offer was there. Not trying to be Mr nice guy here but think it would be wrong to take advantage. Saying that on the other hand its been a while! lol 

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10 minutes ago, Irish Beast said:

She has just come out of a relationship with a guy I know. He was a short term friend. Just don't think it would be right so quickly after a split even if the offer was there. Not trying to be Mr nice guy here but think it would be wrong to take advantage. Saying that on the other hand its been a while! lol 

Are you on cycle at the minute?serious question

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Have some nice food, chat, enjoy your evening, be polite and engaging, thank her for the meal, quick hug and off you pop. 

If more comes then.cool. Otherwise just wee Wog1 

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Just started one @Wheat. I think hormones are a factor as I am chopping and changin training and gear use.  Need to plan a cycle properly and stick to it.  My gear use is very light these days anyway. No point in hammering heavy cycles in my current situ

 

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14 minutes ago, Irish Beast said:

She has just come out of a relationship with a guy I know. He was a short term friend. Just don't think it would be right so quickly after a split even if the offer was there. Not trying to be Mr nice guy here but think it would be wrong to take advantage. Saying that on the other hand its been a while! lol 

Make sense, although because you say that is been a while if she invited you because she need to get physical would you refuse once there?

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Just now, IronJohnDoe said:

Make sense, although because you say that is been a while if she invited you because she need to get physical would you refuse once there?

Joking aside it would depend on hoe much wine had been consumed. My tolerance is pretty high though. 

I honestly do no, I can't honestly answer that question

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1 minute ago, Irish Beast said:

Joking aside it would depend on hoe much wine had been consumed. My tolerance is pretty high though. 

I honestly do no, I can't honestly answer that question

If you click and are attracted then pursue it. If not don't nob her and sack her off...... 

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1 minute ago, Irish Beast said:

Joking aside it would depend on hoe much wine had been consumed. My tolerance is pretty high though. 

I honestly do no, I can't honestly answer that question

then IMO the only thing left to do is go there and find out yourself..

About telling the other guy I would not first because “I’m going to have a dinner at your ex mrs house but don’t think wrong” would sound bloody awkward and secondly because if you tell him, this may end up in a perfect excuse for them to start to argue and she would not see you anymore as trustworthy or whatever she sees in you.

Then up to you, you don’t seem to have bad intentions so I see no point in informing the ex. 

If something at the end happens, well it’s life, nice and unpredictable and you should not be blamed

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Its flattering but terrible timing as I need to sort other aspects of life first, getting there. Would be ideal to have a friend close by but from experience one party normally ends up getting emotionally attached. 

 

Maybe I should turn up as drunk and high as possible and if she doesnt kick me out then shes a keeper! 

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9 minutes ago, Irish Beast said:

Just started one @Wheat. I think hormones are a factor as I am chopping and changin training and gear use.  Need to plan a cycle properly and stick to it.  My gear use is very light these days anyway. No point in hammering heavy cycles in my current situ

 

Changes everything haha, test levels through the roof your gonna have to split her in half mate haha

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I only do 1ml of pharma test at the mo per week. Could mask the issue using proviron or something but its not addressing the real issue which I guess is trust. Going off on a tangent but thinking about it thats probably the reason for my indecisiveness 

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@Irish Beast What an invite your thread is :) 

Seriously - friendship with women can exist, if you are mature enough and both understand boundaries.

In your case a few things seem to come together.

On the one hand here is a lady, that has become available and is clearly looking for company, your company.

On the other hand is yourself, that enjoys the companionship, but does not seem to want to jeopardise it, because you do not want to lose this connection.

Your fear of being a rebound or any of the sort is surely justified, but I sense some fear of losing this connection as well. Since you did say, that you feel lonely at times.

From what you have explained, you do not know her motives and therefore, there is no harm in going for dinner.

What you should clarify - is 1. Who broke off the relationship 2. preferably the reasons why.

Ladies correct me if I am wrong please. If the woman ends the relationship, in most cases, thats it. End of Story. A woman can exist in a relationship and detach from her partner in that time, so when she pulls the trigger - you are left wondering WTF just happened. (Men can do that same - woman seem to be quite keen on this type of behaviour.) Woman can then quite "easily" go on with their life, whereas men have a further battle with their ego's. Intimacy may be a different issue, but I think you understand what I am trying to say.

What I am getting at - have the dinner, see where the convo goes and take it from there. Be aware, that if she is simply out for sex and you deny her, she could break off the friendship out of embarrassment. Either way you may be in a tricky spot. Tread lightly and enjoy what ever the outcome may be.

 

Alternatively it could be the beginning of something beautiful :thumb

P.S: leave the ex out of it.. thats none of your concern.

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1 minute ago, mangob said:

@Irish Beast What an invite your thread is :) 

Seriously - friendship with women can exist, if you are mature enough and both understand boundaries.

In your case a few things seem to come together.

On the one hand here is a lady, that has become available and is clearly looking for company, your company.

On the other hand is yourself, that enjoys the companionship, but does not seem to want to jeopardise it, because you do not want to lose this connection.

Your fear of being a rebound or any of the sort is surely justified, but I sense some fear of losing this connection as well. Since you did say, that you feel lonely at times.

From what you have explained, you do not know her motives and therefore, there is no harm in going for dinner.

What you should clarify - is 1. Who broke off the relationship 2. preferably the reasons why.

Ladies correct me if I am wrong please. If the woman ends the relationship, in most cases, thats it. End of Story. A woman can exist in a relationship and detach from her partner in that time, so when she pulls the trigger - you are left wondering WTF just happened. (Men can do that same - woman seem to be quite keen on this type of behaviour.) Woman can then quite "easily" go on with their life, whereas men have a further battle with their ego's. Intimacy may be a different issue, but I think you understand what I am trying to say.

What I am getting at - have the dinner, see where the convo goes and take it from there. Be aware, that if she is simply out for sex and you deny her, she could break off the friendship out of embarrassment. Either way you may be in a tricky spot. Tread lightly and enjoy what ever the outcome may be.

 

Alternatively it could be the beginning of something beautiful :thumb

 

Thanks for taking the time to write an insightful response

The question you raised is a real grey area. I have only heard her side of the story and she said she broke up with him as he was boring and did not have time for her daughter. However they went on holiday to their home abroad in an attempt to patch things up but hasnt worked out for her hence why she is coming back. Seems to be happy its over but I think shes putting on a brave face. Could be completely wrong of course!

 

 

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51 minutes ago, Irish Beast said:

She has just come out of a relationship with a guy I know. He was a short term friend. Just don't think it would be right so quickly after a split even if the offer was there. Not trying to be Mr nice guy here but think it would be wrong to take advantage. Saying that on the other hand its been a while! lol 

Taking advantage means emotional manipulation and/or abuse in order to achieve your goals.  Emotional manipulation could for example entail the implication that if she doesn't sleep with you, you will cease to be her friend, which given her vulnerable position, could be strong-arming her into having sex.

However, if both parties want sex and you don't push for it aggressively, I see nothing wrong with going for it, regardless of when her last relationship ended.  

Bear in mind, if she just wanted a "rebound" she could just go on tinder and have candidates lined up all night every night.

 

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hahah a free feed! Good point. She did ask what I wanted and I said Im not bothered but given a choice I would go Mexican. Turns out its her favourite cuisine. She shouldnt have said that as I am expecting a culinary delight now!

 

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26 minutes ago, Irish Beast said:

Thanks for taking the time to write an insightful response

The question you raised is a real grey area. I have only heard her side of the story and she said she broke up with him as he was boring and did not have time for her daughter. However they went on holiday to their home abroad in an attempt to patch things up but hasnt worked out for her hence why she is coming back. Seems to be happy its over but I think shes putting on a brave face. Could be completely wrong of course!

 

 

A holiday/trip to patch things up, is generally a last resort effort. regardless of what comes out of that, the general unhappiness will creep back up. If you are getting the sense that she seems happy to be done with that relationship, then that is probably whats there. Dont read too much into it.

I am sure that there are left over feelings and hurt here and there, but who doesnt carry that baggage with them?

Take the dinner, see where head is at and take it from there. You will do just fine mate.

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1 minute ago, mangob said:

A holiday/trip to patch things up, is generally a last resort effort. regardless of what comes out of that, the general unhappiness will creep back up. If you are getting the sense that she seems happy to be done with that relationship, then that is probably whats there. Dont read too much into it.

I am sure that there are left over feelings and hurt here and there, but who doesnt carry that baggage with them?

Take the dinner, see where head is at and take it from there. You will do just fine mate.

Thanks, think thats a good summary and probably the route I will take.

Whats the worse that can happen! 

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How long were they together for? If years then it's a very different situation to if they'd only been together for a few months. 

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