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Hard family times . help?

20 posts in this topic

Posted (edited)

ok so here's the basics ... its a long one so bare with me

Little brother is 20, he used to be a really nice happy yet quiet lad, couple of girlfriends but genrally quite shy (we arent that close imo)

Got with this girl from work, 3 months later they ended up announcing they were pregnant ...

'she' as i like to call her ... before the baby was born we never saw her, me or the family. she just went off with my brother in a flat and they made little contact...

Mum hated the idea of becoming a grandmother as my brother was so young.Anyway she came to love the little lad as soon as he was born, her and my dad decided to move all 3 of them into their house to live with them ...

Anyway since then,

My brother has been so horrible to my parents

No thanks for putting them up

Dumping their baby on them all the time so they can go out

NO-ONE is allowed to talk to his gf . as she just winges at him and blows up.

After the baby was born she suffered badly from post natal depression , but couldn't see that ... we did ALL we could to help.

One night my brother rang me in tears, she had turned suiceidal, she was out in town and kept saying "bye, im goin now . im gunna do it " etc .

She didnt wna see him so he rang me and said will i go and see to her.

I went looking for her in out in town and ... me, her and her 2 mates went back to mine to calm down....

Anyway i ended up loosing it with her (wrong thing to do) but she was saying she wished she never had my nephew etc. and wished him dead

(shes genrally a good mother to be fair) i ended up kicking them all out , luckilly my brother was outside in the car and threw her in and drove off lol

Since then my mum more or less had it with their winging and told them if they cant be civil to her and my dad find sumwere else which I don't blame her cos we have all tried sittin down with him seprtly and talking but he won't listen and just think we are havin ago at him... THAT VERY night they moved out without saying bye .... then my mum knew she wud see very very little of her grandson again

little contact has been made by him, except wen i txt him asking how he is ... i dont get a reply (non of us do)..

But when i txt him having a go at him only then does he reply..

They have moved in a flat together, not comin round for xmas , last night he told me "fcuk off dont txt me again" (when i showed my dad that, it had him in tears)

My mum saw him last night in the supermarket... she said he looks like the walking dead

Pale, thin face. lost ;loads of weight . we all are so worried

I just dont no what to do

Edited by Uk_mb

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Posted

Christ mate that sounds awful, I hope you and your family sort this out. I don't know what to suggest, when you're with someone they can get into your head like no one else being 'in love' has a powerful hold over your brain (trust me). I can imagine having a baby makes that even worse - I wouldn't blame your brother. If she's in his head and telling him that if he comes back to you he won't see his kid, or she'll kill herself or anything like this his natural instinct will be to protect himself and the baby.

If I were you, I think I'd keep texting him messages of love and support, even though he might not reply you know he reads them as he replies to the angry ones. When he feels he can do something about it, he will come to you because you've been there for him, even just via text. If he does text back try as hard as you can to meet with him, say no parents or girlfriend and no arguing just a hello. If you meet him and just be nice to him he might let it all out, he's probably desperate for some help but can't actually take the step to getting it. I hope it works out for you all.

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Posted

Its one of those things that will probably work itself out with time. Sounds like the girl has your brother wrapped round her little finger. Im sure we have all been there with a girl that makes us care about nothing but her. i feel bad for your parents its must be hard on them not seeing their grandson.

If it was my bro Id probs give him a kicking and possibly do the same to his gf. Report it to the police, if she is saying she wants the kid dead then she should not have custody!

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Posted

If I read correctly, it sounds like your brother and his girl have a lot of growing up to do. Having a child at a young age (or any age!) can be a real strain, but that was their choice. It can be tough at this time of year having strained family relations, but it seems you and your folks have done everything reasonable to help your bro. Just keep lines of communication open. My guess is that over time they will come to appreciate the family they have left.

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Posted (edited)

Cheers pal, yeah I wud keep txtin every now and again but I'm pretty certain 'she' doesn't let him txt back. Even my mum had to EMAIL him to get a reply.

I understand he's in such a hard situation

This has been goin on5-6 months and we fear the longer it goes on the less likley it is for them to get in touch.

I bonded with t my nephew over the few months I saw him and now I've accepted I'm not gunna see him a great deal

Edited by Uk_mb

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Posted

that sounds pretty tuff, its a hard call, if you ignore him would he come back ? if you chase him does it push him further away ?

as long as he knows he has your guys support will he take it for granted ? maybe be a bit tuff on him..

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Posted

Thats a shame mate, my best mate is in the exact same situation as your brother, his bird is a total bitch and wont let him see us anymore as she doent understand our banter and thinks we always take the **** out of her. Mine and the lads latest stratergy has been to try confuse her as much as possible as she isnt very clever in the hope that her paranoia turns to my mate and she thinks hes out to get her aswell and calls it off.

I feel for you mate specially your parents, must be a horrible feeling. At the end of the day you need to remember him before he met her and understand that its probably her that has turned him this way due to some insecurity she has.

Anyidea if shes a slag ? You able to get one of your mates to shag her when shes on a night out and get some evidance of it ? It would break your brothers heart in the short term but in the long term he will be free from her clutches and the fact she cheated and he has a stable loving family would probably help in a custody battle.

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Posted

No mate she's only had a couple of lads as she's only 17-18.

Tbh even if she did do that to him, he wouldn't no what to do and wud probly try something stupid.

I mentioned that night I had to go get her from out in town. She was sayin all sorts, she doesn't love my brother, doesn't wna be with him. But wen she finishes him he won't leave her alone.

But I was the first one he turned to that night (maybe cos it was 3am and he new I'd be up n about)

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Posted

Sorry to hear all of this. My 2 cents - would be to text him letting him your there for him when needed, but its his life and you will leave him to get on with it. He needs to do what he has to do and will soon realise what life is all about. Sometimes until a person decides they want to change, no amount of contact from anyone will do anything. I would leave him to his own devices, he will soon come running when he needs the help.

Sounds like you and the family have done all you can and more. I know it must be very hard, but leave him be, he will come to you when he really wants the help.

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Posted

He turned to you because you're his brother mate, not just because you were up.

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Posted

He turned to you because you're his brother mate, not just because you were up.

Yeah probably. 2 days later I said "is all ok now" he said no. You made her worse.

I hadn't told him what had been said, looking back maybe I should of told him

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Posted

you tell him you'll always be there for him mate and leave him and her to it-he chose his path and you need to let him walk it.

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Posted

Mate im sorry to hear this! Must be hard on you when situation is like this...

Its not much to say what others havent said yet. From what i read it seems like she's maybe got some 'control' of your brother. I once was in a relationship with a girl that was like that. Didnt see my friends, and cudnt do anything with my family without her. And they could all see she was in control of everything. Lost one and half year of my life to her! ha!

I feel truly sorry for you parents as well, who did such a nice thing as taking them all in and really show support and care for them. And now they seem to be cut out of his and the babys world. I think his actions towards yous, is her creation. She might suffer from post natal depression, which is more common than thought of, but the last thing she needs is to hide them away in some flat and cut out the world imo...

Stay in touch with your brother mate, whatever reason he has for not answering. Text him regularily, maybe try a call ever now and then and he might answer at an odd time when shes not around. Let him know youre there all the time, and specially that you care for him and only wants the best for him. If she controls him, as i would think she might do, he will eventually see this, and you'll be the first one he comes to! Maybe send your nephew a little xmas present, if you got their address, or maybe drop it off at their flat. Just hand it off and leave again, to not start any arguing.

Hope it sorts itself out in the end for you mate. Tough situation indeed! Best of luck mate.

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Posted

Yeah probably. 2 days later I said "is all ok now" he said no. You made her worse.

I hadn't told him what had been said, looking back maybe I should of told him

You made her worse? She's a nasty piece of work. I really hope this all gets sorted, maybe you should tell someone what she said about the kid. I dunno though, separating the kid from his mum is never a nice thing.

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Posted

Thanks for all ur kind words x

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Posted

hes your little brother. go round. grab him by the scruff of the neck and talk to him.

if my older brother did this to me i would listen tho i am alot older than your bro.

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Posted

its hard because a small child is involved , would be so much easier to get rid of her

they both just need to grow up and strt being resposible, easier said than put into action

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Posted

Theres some poisonous women around that is for sure,some of them should come with a public health warning.

I know a fair few lads and a couple of grandparents who havent seen their kids/grandkids for years due to some warped bitches pathetic ideas of revenge.

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Posted

He can still ask for advice though? We've all got ****ed up families but his situation is still bad.

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Posted

I'm not trying to be funny mate, but it sounds like you have a perfectly normal and dysfunctional family like the rest of us.

yeah i understand that mate

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