Sucks 2 Be Me!

[darkstar]

I think you need to ,,,, I actually have no idea

Im hyper as hell and have been through hell

Somthing to focus all i meen all every last ounce of your hyperness / energy
May be a good fix/solution.
I lucked up and found rockclimbing.
There has to be something for you as well .

Maybe you are a race car driver.............?

[Truewarrior1]

someone upset me when they said im lucky i cant work

i cant work cos i have bipolar disorder with psychosis and i have 3 dvt's (bad blood clots) one in my lungs, two in my left leg. and also a possible one in my brain. i cant even walk up stairs without losing breathe and i keep coughing up blood. im on injections every day and a myriad of drugs which are prescribed.

some for sickness,injections for dvt every day,warfarin,olanzapine.

i jus took 30mg olanzapine and 30mg valium. i decided to half my dose of olanzapine to 7.5mg from 15mg cos i was only awake 10 hours a day, so i had 2 extra pills and took em tonight with my normal 15mg. so i hope to be asleep for at least 24 hours hopefully. i feel really drowsy yet suicidal.i dont know why im upset tears r fallin on the keyboard.i jus feel like dying.i have no love life, my sex drive is zero.

i still live at home with my parents and im 19!my only money is money for benefits from the government. all i do all day is watch films n sit on the net.i have no gf's the last 3 just cheated on me.i could die from the dvts, sometimes i hope i do.i just dont know what to do with myself these days.im picking up some weed tomorrow so hopefully thatll zone me out for a bit. i nearly got kicked out cos my cousin told my parents i had 5g's of coke in my room n they flushed it n let me stay but things r bad between us, n i never thought id say it but i HATE my cousin. how could she do that to me? shes like a sister to me. betrayed by sum1 i never thought would do that to me...i just dont understand.

i dont know what im looking for here..just venting my emotions to complete stranges, thought it might help.

[SCJP]

Originally Posted by Jane Bond

i know how you guys feel. its a nightmare when children are involved, but nobody really wants to help. and social services..........please never put your trust in them, they have no idea about the welfare of children adn how urgent these matters are.
good luck to everyone here who is suffering at the expence of the unstable and the fools!

It seems that most social workers just see it as a 9-5 job, not forgetting their breaks, of course. I'm sure that to many of them, if a child was in immediate danger & there was somehting they could do, but it was 17:00, their attitude to it would be along the lines of 'I don't get paid to work after five, the kid can wait another day'.

All these people just want easy lives, at whatever cost to others, the taxpayer, etc.

[SCJP]

Originally Posted by Rowlf

My ex didn't hit the bottle, she went down the regular overdose route. My daughter is still caught up in ex's world to the extent that she still thinks that people are unfair to mummy, even though she knows what's wrong with her now. Sadly, she's never told me she loves me, and the one time she wrote it on a thank you note to me, I kept the note and have it on my bedroom wall. My ambition in life is one day to hear my daughter tell me she loves me, but I understand if she never does - at some deep level she may well always feel that she's betraying her mother. I know she does love me though, as her councillor told me she had said so.

Sounds familiar. Mine's only three, but it sometimes feels like she loves everyone but me.

Originally Posted by Rowlf

How old is your little one? I'm hoping she's bonded well with you, as it's the thing I missed and regret deeply.

My parents have taken her to the seaside for the week (perfect weather for it), but I miss her incredibly. I had a good chat with her on the phone yesterday, & from what she said & I've been told, she is missing me.

Originally Posted by Rowlf

Jane - Thanks for the best wishes, from all of us I'm sure.

Ditto.

[paulo]

my bro got same on anti psychotic now and is ok most of the time-hash made him real ill,sectioned couple of times-stay off it, also alcohol doesnt help either, hes back training hard and eating properly again.
has to take meds everday for ever i think but helps him sleep etc,so there are others in same position-tried to do away with himself at the start, luckily caught and sectioned at time

[SCJP]

Originally Posted by Truewarrior1

someone upset me when they said im lucky i cant work

I dount they were being serious, & if they were, then they really haven't a fcuking clue.

Originally Posted by Truewarrior1

i jus took 30mg olanzapine and 30mg valium. i decided to half my dose of olanzapine to 7.5mg from 15mg cos i was only awake 10 hours a day, so i had 2 extra pills and took em tonight with my normal 15mg. so i hope to be asleep for at least 24 hours hopefully. i feel really drowsy yet suicidal.i dont know why im upset tears r fallin on the keyboard.i jus feel like dying.i have no love life, my sex drive is zero.

Is there any light at the end of the tunnel for you? How regular are these depressive episodes? Do they outweigh your manic periods?

Originally Posted by Truewarrior1

i still live at home with my parents and im 19!my only money is money for benefits from the government. all i do all day is watch films n sit on the net.i have no gf's the last 3 just cheated on me.i could die from the dvts, sometimes i hope i do.i just dont know what to do with myself these days.im picking up some weed tomorrow so hopefully thatll zone me out for a bit. i nearly got kicked out cos my cousin told my parents i had 5g's of coke in my room n they flushed it n let me stay but things r bad between us, n i never thought id say it but i HATE my cousin. how could she do that to me? shes like a sister to me. betrayed by sum1 i never thought would do that to me...i just dont understand.

Nothing wrong with living at home at 19, you're still very young & have your whole life ahead (bet that sounds good ).

Do something different with your time. Physically you're not up to much due to the bloodclots, but you could read books or something, just to get a bit of variety into your days.

I think you need company. You've got your parents, cousin, etc, but what about other mates (not your useless druggie ones)? Have you been in touch with any other manic depressives? Might help.

Your cousin did the right thing. It shows she cares about you. What good is coke to someone in your predicament? You're a t1t for saying you 'HATE' her.

Originally Posted by Truewarrior1

i dont know what im looking for here..just venting my emotions to complete stranges, thought it might help.

Nothing wrong with that. Just shows there's a point to this website besides helping people get fat.

Good luck

[Rowlf]

Yeah, hang in there. Life's cr@p sometimes. It passes.....

[megatron]

I broke up with a long time GF at your age, it was the end of the world for me... Just hang in there and don't touch the gear. It will simply take alot of time.

[mickus]

True Warrior1

I feel for you lad, my best mate has biopolar and she is all over the shop even with meds...

Life is fcuked sometimes for all of us (not as bad as you are explaing about yours righ now) but your only 19 lad and there are better times ahead of you.

Have you had your test levels checked?

You may have low test which is making things alot worse for ya and that will also give you zero sex drive...

The drugs and the booze are making things alot worse also dude, seriously you may think there helping but they aint...

I been cronic on puff for 13 years and I only 25 and I could never see the down side to it, I just use it to level myself and chill out...

Since finally give it up well not smoking every day only rare occassions it made a massive difference to my moods and quality of sleep and life in general. Dont get me wrong there alot worse things out there for ya but being as fragile as your state of mind is you really need to just stay clean from everything except the meds the docs are prescribing you.

All the best mate, you ever want some one to lend a ear I all ears

Take care bud and keep that chin up

[darkstar]

I read this and just pray .
Keep your chin up believe things can get better.
Keep hope in your heart.
Try to find some good anywhere in your world and focus on it.
Pray .
Eat well.
Know that you are loved.
Jerr