Sucks 2 Be Me!

[SCJP]

I think you need to lay off the booze, pack it in for good, it's a depressant & will just bring you down.

I'm not too clued up on the the affect of AAS useage, but I doubt it will help, & as AH said, will probably be very detrimental to your emotional stability.

There seems to be plenty of anecdotal evidence linking weed to mental health problems, & maybe some more solid studies, but I would have thought that in extreme moderation it won't do you any massive harm, but I still think you should lay off it.

Drop the fags when you've got all the other sh1t sorted out (as far as you can, anyway).

The ex keeps claiming that she's been diagnosed bipolar, but she isn't, she's just got a borderline personality disorder. The only thing that would make her a better person is a lobotomy, or a bit of self harm gone wrong. ;)

[SCJP]

Originally Posted by bow chika wow

gosh, u have had some heavy sh!t to deal with. Its hard for ppl (like my self) who have never been put into a situation, such as this which you descibed, to have any concept what so ever of how traumatic and emotionaly draining it could be. respect to you .

So many bizaare & downright farcical things happened that, after a few tears & all that sort of nonsense, you tend to just to laugh at it all.

The only thing that's difficult is knowing that my little girl's not going to have a decent mum. I do hope that she dies soon (the ex) as this will make it alot easier for the little one to deal with, rather than growing up to see her mum gradually falling apart, knowing that she's falling asleep in a hedge or with some junkies c0ck up her every night.

[bow chika wow]

Originally Posted by SCJP

So many bizaare & downright farcical things happened that, after a few tears & all that sort of nonsense, you tend to just to laugh at it all.

The only thing that's difficult is knowing that my little girl's not going to have a decent mum. I do hope that she dies soon (the ex) as this will make it alot easier for the little one to deal with, rather than growing up to see her mum gradually falling apart, knowing that she's falling asleep in a hedge or with some junkies c0ck up her every night.

true.....has you little girl got any other influencial female in her life, an aunty etc.....?

[SCJP]

Originally Posted by bow chika wow

true.....has you little girl got any other influencial female in her life, an aunty etc.....?

Loads. My little sister, mother, other aunties, cousins of mine, etc, so she does get to spend a lot of time with females that care for her.

Anyway:
:focus:

(I do like these strange little 'smilies', or whatever they're called, never really paid much attention to 'em before, I now feel alot happier & fulfilled)

[Truewarrior1]

i quit AAS months ago.n ive got rid of all spare stuff (which there was a lot lol) they havent diagnosed which type yet, they are very slow to say anything definate about type as it can change. i use alcohol n weed on nights im too hyper, im fully aware they are depressants and thats what i use them for, otherwise i could be up for days on end.

[bow chika wow]

Originally Posted by Truewarrior1

i quit AAS months ago.n ive got rid of all spare stuff (which there was a lot lol) they havent diagnosed which type yet, they are very slow to say anything definate about type as it can change. i use alcohol n weed on nights im too hyper, im fully aware they are depressants and thats what i use them for, otherwise i could be up for days on end.

Are you on any anti depressent medication, or are you unable to due to your highs ? or are you having psychological treatments such as cognitive behaviour therapy? how long have you been dignosed? if im being to nosey just say, its just that i studied psychology and sports psychology at uni and it interests me greatly.

[Truewarrior1]

i used to be on anti-depressants but im super hyper 99% of the time now so theres no point,ive had therapy etc, im on olanzipine which is a 'mood stabiliser/anti-psychotic' its pretty gd but it makes me really tired. ive been diagnosed going on 2 years.

[Rowlf]

Truewarrior - your avvy makes me chuckle all the time. Read a few of your posts, and really rooting for you, mate!

SCJP - my ex also has BPD - don't know how much detail you've researched in, but can be much more serious than bipolar disorder - the 'borderline' in the title refers to borderline psychosis. If you want to talk more about it PM me as I might be able to give you a heads up on some of the things that happened with my ex, as forewarned is forearmed. I'm also happy to talk about it on open forum if you are so other people can see it if they need.

Damn, I love this forum. Proper supportive environment.

[SCJP]

Rowlf,

Towards the end of '05/early '06 I did look into things in quite some detail as back then I had this stupid idea that we might have a future together.

She actually has all the traits & characteristics of a fully blown psychopath.

Things are quieter now as she is up north & I'm down here, but she's so manipulative that I still have a tendency to watch my back when out & about.

Fcuk knows how she'll react if I actually end up in a proper relationship with someone else.

Very strange situation.

It'd certainly be interesting to hear of some of your experiences if you don't mind sharing - maybe worth starting another thread??

[AussieMarc]

my friend was diagnosed with bipolar.. she used to imagine people were whispering/talking/looking at her all the time... used to cut herself pretty bad as well. she always looked scared of something.. even though she was very outgoing and a loveable person, she thought everyone was in it to hate her..

she seems fine now though.. goes out on the drinks all the time.. parties hard.. most people wouldnt see it.

i remember at work (we were both PT's) and she grabbed my arm and said "marc can i chat to you privately?"... pulled me into the consult room.. took off her sweat band and showed me the cuts.. pulled out her mobile and showed me the pics of the bleeding wound.. then had a psychotic glint in her eye - as if she just snapped and turned into a serial killer or something.. started rambling about how everyone hates her and is in it to kill her and stuff..

was very messy but as i mentioned, she is fine now.. very attractive girl. massive chest! E cup or something... slim body.. all natural.

[invisiblekid]

I'm coming in to this conversation late on and I'll be honest I've not read it in huge detail, but True do you feel you are in control of the drug and alcohol use/abuse?

This has to be knocked on the head before you start using anti-depressants and the like.

Can I ask what is your diet like? And do you do any exercise other than the lifting in the gym?

[Rowlf]

If true doesn't mind might be worth keeping on this thread for the moment, if others are already reading....

I had no idea my daughter's mum was BPD, I just thought she was nasty, and that's why I left her (before my daughter was born). Started seeing my daughter when she was 2 1/2, but when ex wanted me to be a sperm donor and I said no, she told me I couldn't see my daughter again, cue screaming rows etc. I figured I'd be doing my daughter a favour absenting myself so she didn't get brought up in a house of spite. Bad decision.

Managed to start seeing her again when she was 9, but then when she was 10 1/2, after many episodes of being called round to their flat to pick up daughter reasons for which I was never told (though she was always crying and had half her belongings in a bin bag when I collected her for a couple of days), and suicide attempts, ex decided she wanted to live in france for 6 months and wanted me to look after daughter. Of course I jumped at the chance. Then when she was away I found out that social services were involved, but wouldn't tell me anything because of 'client confidentiality'. Just before ex came back, daughter started behaving erratically. I told social services and they said they didn't think she should go back to her mum but wouldn't tell me why. I persuaded them.

Long and the short of it was that it had turned into an abusive relationship, and daughter was actually ex's carer essentially. Cue lawyers and court orders etc. Daughter lived with me for 5 years, ex in treatment programme, now insists she's 'better' and initiated court proceedings. Daughter has been convinced by ex that she's better there, but daughter is now 15 and I don't want to be her prison officer so she runs away from me when she's 16, so I've let her go back without a fight. I think she's better off here, but I think at 15 she needs to find that out for herself. But she was a mess when she came to live with me, and she's not too bad now. I don't think she'll understand things properly until she's at least well into her 20's, so I just need to allow her to learn herself now, and keep a careful eye out.

Do I remember your post right and your little one's with you? If I could go back, I'd have gone for custody when she was tiny, but I had no idea. Done the best I can though, and just have to hope it works out in the end.

It's the only thing in my life that I struggle with now. I have no idea how much insight she has into her condition, but I hope it's enough to keep her going as I don't want my daughter to lose her mother....and that's the same I guess relating to truewarrior's thread....keep going dude, keep working on it all, stay well...there will be people whose lives would have a big hole in without you in it. Judging from your avvy, mate, notably my mother!

[SCJP]

Originally Posted by Rowlf

I had no idea my daughter's mum was BPD, I just thought she was nasty, and that's why I left her (before my daughter was born). Started seeing my daughter when she was 2 1/2, but when ex wanted me to be a sperm donor and I said no, she told me I couldn't see my daughter again, cue screaming rows etc. I figured I'd be doing my daughter a favour absenting myself so she didn't get brought up in a house of spite. Bad decision.

I am so glad I married the wh0re for this reason. Had I not, I would probably not have realised how bad she was until it was too late, as I would have walked beofre the Tot was born. The sperm donor bit sounds familiar. Madam is always trying to get me to sh@g her & telling how much she needs another baby & how it would make her better!

Originally Posted by Rowlf

I found out that social services were involved, but wouldn't tell me anything because of 'client confidentiality'.

Social services are sh1te. I contacted them when my ex scarpered with the tot, just after I started truly realising what was happening (little vodka bottled hidden everywhere - in the piano, shoes, garden shed, cereal boxes - amongst other bizaare things). The little one was away from me & in danger, IMO, for about 2 weeks, but the t1tting social workers only paid a home visit about a month later when she was safe & sound with me. No wonder so many lovely little Tots are killed & abused by the cnuts that are their parents.

The police weren't much use either, especially those in the NE. I phoned them one evening when she was p1ssed & supposedly looking after the Tot, but they didn't pay her a visit until late morning the next day. Bunch of useles w@nkers.

How has your little girl been affected? Did your ex drink when pregnant? Are there any FASD issues?

It kills me to think of all the suffering inflicted on these poor little innocents but all these selfish b'stards in this poxy little world.

[Jane Bond]

Originally Posted by SCJP

I am so glad I married the wh0re for this reason. Had I not, I would probably not have realised how bad she was until it was too late, as I would have walked beofre the Tot was born. The sperm donor bit sounds familiar. Madam is always trying to get me to sh@g her & telling how much she needs another baby & how it would make her better!



Social services are sh1te. I contacted them when my ex scarpered with the tot, just after I started truly realising what was happening (little vodka bottled hidden everywhere - in the piano, shoes, garden shed, cereal boxes - amongst other bizaare things). The little one was away from me & in danger, IMO, for about 2 weeks, but the t1tting social workers only paid a home visit about a month later when she was safe & sound with me. No wonder so many lovely little Tots are killed & abused by the cnuts that are their parents.

The police weren't much use either, especially those in the NE. I phoned them one evening when she was p1ssed & supposedly looking after the Tot, but they didn't pay her a visit until late morning the next day. Bunch of useles w@nkers.

How has your little girl been affected? Did your ex drink when pregnant? Are there any FASD issues?

It kills me to think of all the suffering inflicted on these poor little innocents but all these selfish b'stards in this poxy little world.

i know how you guys feel. its a nightmare when children are involved, but nobody really wants to help. and social services..........please never put your trust in them, they have no idea about the welfare of children adn how urgent these matters are.
good luck to everyone here who is suffering at the expence of the unstable and the fools!

[Rowlf]

My ex didn't hit the bottle, she went down the regular overdose route. My daughter is still caught up in ex's world to the extent that she still thinks that people are unfair to mummy, even though she knows what's wrong with her now. Sadly, she's never told me she loves me, and the one time she wrote it on a thank you note to me, I kept the note and have it on my bedroom wall. My ambition in life is one day to hear my daughter tell me she loves me, but I understand if she never does - at some deep level she may well always feel that she's betraying her mother. I know she does love me though, as her councillor told me she had said so.

When she came to me she was getting regular treatment from a child psychologist, but within a year and a half of being with me was discharged from that care, so I know there was a real improvement.

How old is your little one? I'm hoping she's bonded well with you, as it's the thing I missed and regret deeply.

I was fascinated that you'd had the sperm donor thing too!

Jane - Thanks for the best wishes, from all of us I'm sure.