R1 Mad

http://www.a1nets.com/r1/luke/starwars_scene_small.mpg
not work safe

---------

Chewbacca would look roughly the same except he'd only be about 5ft tall, from Basildon and called Spanner. He'd have the same amount of body hair but would also have tattoos, would permanently smell of drink and invariably sport either a West Ham or England top.

Obi-Wan Kenobi would invariably be referred to as Chief or Cocker by his mates. People trying to start a fight with him would address him as Oi ****y-Nobby.

R2D2 would refuse to go out on the streets after 10pm because of the number of drunks who would try to stuff chip papers in his head casing, or urinate on him. He would also refuse to go near groups of young kids at any time because of the high risk of being spray painted and/or dumped in front of a speeding train and/or set on fire.

Darth Vader would be referred to as 'Elmit Head' or in moments of stress 'that dome-edded c**t'. Although proficient in over 3500 languages, C3P0 would still be unable to understand anything anyone from Essex said. He would regularly get beaten up for being a knacker-faced poof from Rayleigh.

The Millennium Falcon would have static strips, tinted windscreens and extra-flared exhaust ports. It would have a TOTS 2000 sticker in the back window and a St. George's Cross SUN SUPPORTS OUR BOYS bumper sticker.

Princess Leia would get captured by Darth Vader because it's hard to run very fast when you're wearing 5-inch platform heels and a tiny silver mini-skirt which keeps hiking up over your **** every two steps, and you've been a heavy smoker since you were 6.

The best way to destroy the Death Star would not necessarily be a desperate all out attack. Two easy ways would be to alter its orbit so it passed through Southend, tell the locals it was full of Northern W**kers and leave it unattended in the Seaway car park. Or you could convert it into a huge Takeaway.

Lines from the film as they would be now uttered in the Essex:-

Han Solo - 'I've got a real bad feeling about this'
Translation: 'Faaaakkinell, I'm sh*t-faced. I'd best fack off now befowe I get in a rumble.'

Han Solo - 'Bring 'em on! I prefer a straight fight to all this sneaking around.'
Translation 'Come on you fakkin' barsterds, al 'ave the lot of yer'

Han Solo - 'Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid.'
Translation 'Bugger the mumbo - wot I needs is me baseball bat and several f**king sharp knives'

Darth Vader trying to shoot down Luke Skywalker - 'The Force is strong in this one'
Translation 'You're a fakkin' hard barsterd '

Princess Leia - 'This bucket of bolts is never going to get us past that blockade.'
Translation 'We're knackered in this Capri'

Admiral Motti - 'Don't try to frighten us with your sorcerer's ways, Lord Vader.'
Translation 'You think you're that hard, you fat northern fakkin' barsterd'

Luke to the Emperor -'Your overconfidence is your weakness.'
Translation 'You fink you're well 'ard dunch ya'


Empire Strikes Back Revisited

A furious light sabre duel is under way. DARTH VADER is backing LUKE SKYWALKER towards the end of the gantry. A quick move by Vader, chops off Luke's hand!

It goes spinning off into the ventilation shaft. Luke backs away. He looks round,but realizes there's nowhere to go but straight down.

DARTH VADER: "Obi Wan never told you what happened to your father."

LUKE: "He told me enough! He told me you killed him!"

DARTH VADER: "No! I am your father!"

LUKE: "No, it's not true! It's impossible."

DARTH VADER: "Search your feelings; you know it to be true."

LUKE: "NO!"

DARTH VADER: "Yes, it is true and you know what else? You know that brass droid of yours?"

LUKE: "Threepio?"

DARTH VADER: "Yes, Threepio, I built him when I was seven years old."

LUKE: "No."

DARTH VADER: "Seven years old? And what have you done? Look at yourself, no hand, no job, and couldn't even levitate your own ship out of the swamp."

LUKE: "I destroyed your precious Death Star!"

DARTH VADER: "When you were 20! When I was 10, I single-handedly destroyed a Trade Federation Droid Control ship!"

LUKE: "Well, it's not my fault."

DARTH VADER: "Oh, here we go. 'Poor me, my father never gave me what I wanted for my birthday, boo hoo, my daddy's the Dark Lord of the Sith.. waahhh wahhh!'"

LUKE: "Shut up."

DARTH VADER: "You're a slacker! By the time I was your age, I had exterminated the Jedi knights!"

LUKE: "I used to race my T-16 through Beggar's Canyon!"

DARTH VADER: "Oh, for the love of the Emperor, 10 years old, winner of the Boonta Eve Open. Only human to ever fly a Pod Racer, right here baby!"

Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step toward it.

DARTH VADER: "I was wrong. You're not my kid. I don't know whose you are, but you sure ain't mine."

Luke takes a step off the platform, hesitates, then plunges down the shaft.

Darth Vader looks after him.

DARTH VADER: "And get a haircut!"

:p

__________________
Luke aka R1 Mad


:rolleye11
-You're only supposed to blow the bloody doors off-

Getting forgiveness is easier than getting permission

InSaNiTy

Dead link, the damn brackets [1] :(

Stu

Try http://www.a1nets.com/r1/luke/starwars_scene_small.mpg

__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

R1 Mad

sorry lads and ladies fix it now

__________________
Luke aka R1 Mad


:rolleye11
-You're only supposed to blow the bloody doors off-

Getting forgiveness is easier than getting permission

Timmy Smooth

Nice one, Luca, where'd you get the R2 Movie from?

R1 Mad

Someone sent it to me by email mate

__________________
Luke aka R1 Mad


:rolleye11
-You're only supposed to blow the bloody doors off-

Getting forgiveness is easier than getting permission