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29-01-2008, 05:30 PM
| #1 (permalink) |
| aka Jimmy  Join Date: May 2006 Location: Barnsley
Posts: 3,576
     | Ten Rules to Date My Daughter Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them. Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, In order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist. Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you. Rule Five: In order for us to get to know each other, we would talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early." Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry. Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car? Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies that feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folk's homes are better. Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me. Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy outside of Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car- there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine. :beer1:
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29-01-2008, 07:27 PM
| #5 (permalink) |
| Please do not feed the Raikey, it may bite.!!  Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Deepest, Darkest , Yorkcestershire,...Ayup See thee!!
Posts: 3,378
| Re: Ten Rules to Date My Daughter jeeez i got all this to come in about 8 or 9 years,.... it scares the hell out of me,..... i sent the kids away for the weekend when DB came to stay .....hahahah
__________________ I used to have a large gay following.......but i hid behind some cars and lost him!! |
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29-01-2008, 08:28 PM
| #7 (permalink) |
| Gym Addict  Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Liverpool
Posts: 212
| Re: Ten Rules to Date My Daughter Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you. LMFAO! |
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29-01-2008, 08:41 PM
| #9 (permalink) |
| UK-M's Resident Gay  Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Tooting
Posts: 2,049
| Re: Ten Rules to Date My Daughter I always thought it was just 8 Simple Rules, as in the book and subsequent TV show. Still, each day is a learning day...
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29-01-2008, 09:29 PM
| #10 (permalink) |
| Getting there...well,somewhere!  Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Barnsley
Posts: 243
 | Re: Ten Rules to Date My Daughter My daughters is approaching her 13th Birthday , and my concerns about 'boyfriends' etc grows everyday. She thought Five-o's post was scary! She got her Taekwondo black belt in December and ive told her when she says no to someone , if they dont stopped , she batters them. Worst fear : her 1st and any other 'boyfriend' appears on my drive wearing a tracksuit , when hes never run/exercised ever and tucks the bottoms into his socks!!! F**ker. |
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29-01-2008, 10:08 PM
| #12 (permalink) |
| Hulking Out!  Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: london
Posts: 1,784
| Re: Ten Rules to Date My Daughter i had that badboys 2 clip in mind,that is literally one of my favourite clips on the net.when my nieces are old enough to date,that is going to be something else!
__________________ When You Dance With The Devil You Wait For The Song To Stop. Currently HULKING OUT! |
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29-01-2008, 10:25 PM
| #13 (permalink) |
| Who nicked my hair?  Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Northampton
Posts: 1,802
| Re: Ten Rules to Date My Daughter i've got it all to come in a few years too..... thats why my two are in karate classes... I also have rifles to clean when they bring them yoofs home...
__________________ I'd like to see it your way but I can't get my head that far up my own ar$e |
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29-01-2008, 10:26 PM
| #14 (permalink) |
| is really, really, ridiculously good looking.  Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 6,450
| Re: Ten Rules to Date My Daughter whilst I appreciate the humor  Wont shielding them from said boyfriends and interactions from males actually make them want to do what you dont want them to do, more? and thats to the Pa's who have it coming soon :papologies for how that is worded I am tired otherwise very funny
__________________ Captain Hero " Nothing great was ever achieved by being realistic!" 1. Captain Hero To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. 25 up, 3 down To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. One of the most messed up characters in To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. , Captain Hero is a parody on Superman. He is also a To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. , enjoys To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. , is a bisexual, has a childish personality and possibly a mental disorder, is at times a To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. , practices To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. , had a romance with To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. , To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. , Bleh, and Unusually-Flexible-Girl. "By the time I get there, the girl is either already safe, or dead. Either way, there's going to be some serious fondling." ~Captain Hero. |
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29-01-2008, 10:31 PM
| #15 (permalink) |
| Who nicked my hair? Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Northampton
Posts: 1,802
| Re: Ten Rules to Date My Daughter put it this way captain.... i was the boy that girls mums and dads warned them about... using the 'been there, done that' knowledge i am well aware of 99.9% of the sly ways to get round parents.. and i'll be watching closely.... technology has advanced these days too... micro transmitters, gps location systems, trackable mobile phones, micro cameras....
__________________ I'd like to see it your way but I can't get my head that far up my own ar$e |
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Re: Ten Rules to Date My Daughter 
