for the lads.... - UK-Muscle Body Building Community

bb the great · 23-01-2008, 04:40 PM

some old some new but all funny...

How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry It!

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.

What are the three fastest means of communication?
1) Internet
2) Telephone
3) Telawoman

How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.

How is a woman like a condom?
Both of them spend more time in your wallet than anywhere else!

What should you give a woman who has everything?
A man to show her how to work it.

How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.

Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
Because they don't have balls to scratch.

Why do women fake orgasms ?
Because they think men care.

What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, she's been told twice already.

If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
Made her chain too long

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'

How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told

I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

Women will never be equal to men... until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and
still think they are sexy.

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

fifibobo · 23-01-2008, 04:48 PM

pmsl!

Con · 23-01-2008, 04:56 PM

hahaha some good ones there!

pain=gain · 23-01-2008, 05:19 PM

pmsl all the way through, gotta send one or 2 to the OH

YetiMan · 23-01-2008, 05:29 PM

Funny as hell mate

23-01-2008, 04:40 PM	#1 (permalink)
bb the great Gym Addict Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 281	for the lads.... some old some new but all funny... How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry It! What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A battery has a positive side. What are the three fastest means of communication? 1) Internet 2) Telephone 3) Telawoman How are fat girls and mopeds alike? They're both fun to ride until your friends find out. How is a woman like a condom? Both of them spend more time in your wallet than anywhere else! What should you give a woman who has everything? A man to show her how to work it. How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good? Put a nipple on it. Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up? Because they don't have balls to scratch. Why do women fake orgasms ? Because they think men care. What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes? Nothing, she's been told twice already. If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong? Made her chain too long How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened when she brings it. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you. Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...' How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven. Why do men pass gas more than women? Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in. What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman who won't do what she's told I married a Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake. Why do men die before their wives? They want to. Women will never be equal to men... until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

23-01-2008, 04:48 PM	#2 (permalink)
fifibobo Goddam sexual Tyrannosaurus! Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Dumfries, Scotland Posts: 304	Re: for the lads.... pmsl! __________________ Fifibobo "If it bleeds - we can kill it" - Arnold Schwarzenegger

23-01-2008, 04:56 PM	#3 (permalink)
Con Planning Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 3,113	Re: for the lads.... hahaha some good ones there!

23-01-2008, 05:19 PM	#4 (permalink)
pain=gain Newbie Trainer Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: hemel hempstead, herts Posts: 38	Re: for the lads.... pmsl all the way through, gotta send one or 2 to the OH

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