The Correct Way to Come Home Drunk... - UK-Muscle Body Building Community

jw007 · 17-01-2008, 03:28 PM

Two married friends are out drinking one night, when one turns to the other
and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after
we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the
driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. Take my shoes
off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, get undressed in the
bathroom, stick my foot in the toilet and pee down my leg to prevent
splashing sounds. I ease into bed and my wife
STILL wakes up, and Yells at me for staying out so late.

His friend looks at him and says "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong
approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps,
pee hard into the toilet water, then use the full flush, throw my shoes in the
closet, undress in the bedroom, then jump into bed, slap her on the ass and
say “WHO'S HORNY????!!!” and she acts like she's sound asleep! - Works
Every Time!!

shorty · 17-01-2008, 04:27 PM

PMSL.... thats top!!!

gym rat · 17-01-2008, 04:28 PM

haha, quality

Harry · 17-01-2008, 04:32 PM

I received a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend who this morning called 'out-of-the-blue' to see if I was still around.

We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic times we used to enjoy together.

I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that "old magic".

"Wow!" I was flabbergasted.

"I don't know if I could keep pace with you now", I said, "I'm a bit older, and a bit greyer , and balder than when you last saw me. Plus I don't really have the energy I used to have."

She just giggled and said she was sure I would "rise to the challenge".

"Yeah." I said. "Just so long as you don't mind a waistline that's a few inches wider these days! Not to mention my total lack of muscle tone...everything is sagging, my teeth are a bit yellowed and I am developing jowls like a Great Dane!"

She laughed and told me to stop being so silly.

She teased me saying that tubby, grey haired, older men were cute, and she was sure I would still be a great lover.

Anyway, she giggled and said, "I've put on a few pounds myself!"

So I told her to **** off.

megatron · 17-01-2008, 05:53 PM

ROFL those both made my day... Classic.

ARNIE · 17-01-2008, 06:37 PM

a couple of goodies there!!

u2mr2 · 17-01-2008, 06:39 PM

lol. classics!

Dwarfenegger · 17-01-2008, 08:49 PM

They're sooo true its unreal..

shorty · 18-01-2008, 12:19 PM

another joke....

A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile,
a zoophile and a pyromaniac are all sitting on
a bench in a mental institution.

"Let's have sex with a cat?" asked the zoophile.

"Let's have sex with the cat and then torture
it," says the sadist.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it and
then kill it," shouted the murderer.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it
and then have sex with it again," said the necrophile.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it,
have sex with it again and then burn it," said
the pyromaniac.

There was silence, and then the masochist
said: "Meow."

TH&S · 18-01-2008, 12:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shorty

another joke....

A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile,
a zoophile and a pyromaniac are all sitting on
a bench in a mental institution.

"Let's have sex with a cat?" asked the zoophile.

"Let's have sex with the cat and then torture
it," says the sadist.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it and
then kill it," shouted the murderer.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it
and then have sex with it again," said the necrophile.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it,
have sex with it again and then burn it," said
the pyromaniac.

There was silence, and then the masochist
said: "Meow."

Mate it won't let me rep you for that one - but it was a classic!

17-01-2008, 03:28 PM	#1 (permalink)
jw007 SLDL KING as acknowledged by NYTOL Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 1,294	The Correct Way to Come Home Drunk... Two married friends are out drinking one night, when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. Take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, get undressed in the bathroom, stick my foot in the toilet and pee down my leg to prevent splashing sounds. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up, and Yells at me for staying out so late. His friend looks at him and says "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, pee hard into the toilet water, then use the full flush, throw my shoes in the closet, undress in the bedroom, then jump into bed, slap her on the ass and say “WHO'S HORNY????!!!” and she acts like she's sound asleep! - Works Every Time!!

17-01-2008, 04:27 PM	#2 (permalink)
shorty is 6 weeks out from his winners massage not the kind itraininthedark had lol Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Oldham, NW Posts: 1,810	Re: The Correct Way to Come Home Drunk... PMSL.... thats top!!! __________________ “I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.” *To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.* MP25162 for 5% discount off your 1st order at To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

17-01-2008, 04:28 PM	#3 (permalink)
gym rat loving the bulk Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: northern ireland,londonderry Posts: 2,373	Re: The Correct Way to Come Home Drunk... haha, quality

17-01-2008, 04:32 PM	#4 (permalink)
Harry EFBB Winner Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 3,340	Re: The Correct Way to Come Home Drunk... I received a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend who this morning called 'out-of-the-blue' to see if I was still around. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic times we used to enjoy together. I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that "old magic". "Wow!" I was flabbergasted. "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now", I said, "I'm a bit older, and a bit greyer , and balder than when you last saw me. Plus I don't really have the energy I used to have." She just giggled and said she was sure I would "rise to the challenge". "Yeah." I said. "Just so long as you don't mind a waistline that's a few inches wider these days! Not to mention my total lack of muscle tone...everything is sagging, my teeth are a bit yellowed and I am developing jowls like a Great Dane!" She laughed and told me to stop being so silly. She teased me saying that tubby, grey haired, older men were cute, and she was sure I would still be a great lover. Anyway, she giggled and said, "I've put on a few pounds myself!" So I told her to **** off.

17-01-2008, 05:53 PM	#5 (permalink)
megatron Just ignore him Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 3,868	Re: The Correct Way to Come Home Drunk... ROFL those both made my day... Classic. __________________ I feel that life is too short to worry about upsetting the general consensus when one thinks against the grain. I will speak my mind truthfully, even if it means making enemies. Although you may disagree with me - it is all simply opinion, no right or wrong. I won't lie to anyone in order to be accepted by the noisy majority otherwise I sacrifice my credability. If you choose to hate me as a result that is your issue not mine. "He who stands with me shall be my brother" Fight against NAMBLA: To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

17-01-2008, 06:37 PM	#6 (permalink)
ARNIE Getting HUGE! Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 1,791	Re: The Correct Way to Come Home Drunk... a couple of goodies there!! __________________ <><><><><><>wow<><><><><><>

17-01-2008, 06:39 PM	#7 (permalink)
u2mr2 Newbie Trainer Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 97	Re: The Correct Way to Come Home Drunk... lol. classics!

17-01-2008, 08:49 PM	#8 (permalink)
Dwarfenegger Shortman Syndrome Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: At Home in Winsford Posts: 55	Re: The Correct Way to Come Home Drunk... They're sooo true its unreal..

18-01-2008, 12:19 PM	#9 (permalink)
shorty is 6 weeks out from his winners massage not the kind itraininthedark had lol Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Oldham, NW Posts: 1,810	Re: The Correct Way to Come Home Drunk... another joke.... A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution. "Let's have sex with a cat?" asked the zoophile. "Let's have sex with the cat and then torture it," says the sadist. "Let's have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it," shouted the murderer. "Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again," said the necrophile. "Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it," said the pyromaniac. There was silence, and then the masochist said: "Meow." __________________ “I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.” *To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.* MP25162 for 5% discount off your 1st order at To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
Politically Correct Alternatives?	Patch	General Conversation	5	08-01-2008 08:28 PM
Just ordered a new home muilt gym need help :-)	rob_69er	Getting Started	7	19-08-2007 12:55 PM
Wife comes home early..	Great White	General Conversation	5	05-01-2006 10:23 PM
training at home	OnePack	General Conversation	2	21-09-2005 02:03 PM
The correct way to come home drunk...	Carlos901	General Conversation	8	09-08-2005 09:56 AM