Deano!

this topic has become really useful

i still need some help though, i dont want to just use girls, ive never been like that, i want somebody i can wake up with and hug all morning and they want to spend there spare time with me all the time

****** kept asking for space though, shes got big exams coming p and needs to revise and for the year we where together she spent ALL her time with m, so then sh wanted to spend time with her family also, she claims she just loves me as a mate now, but she still cris and she was thinking about getting back with me, but its not happened yet she wants me to leave her to it and she'll give me an answer eventualy.

But shes stubborn and if i leave her to it i know i wont get an answer, i took her the gym with me again yesterday and kissed her, shes stunning, makes me smile so much, my heart beats so hard when i see her if i havent seen her for a few days, she never did love me this much, but she did love me, now does that mean i should let her go or still try? i cant go with a girl that isnt attractive, i need to be physicly attracted to get with them, but the majority these days sleep around etc. is it so much to ask for a decent girl that isnt a bit of a sl@g (dont mean to stereo type, just the majority)

I want **** for the rest of my life she is perfect looking, she could have done things for me more but i learnt to live with it, i miss her so much, i wake up so early every morning missing her, and thinking that shes out and other guys will see her the way ive seen her for the last year if she sleeps with them or anything is just disgusting me :(

i know im to soft but i dont mind being like this, i just want **** by my side :( ive seen other goodlookers but annie was naturaly stunning....

Deano!

For me i knw i loved ***** when i noticed her doing things for me that i didnt ask for and she went out of her way to do it, like im at a mates hungry she made a sandwich and brought it around? all these little things add up, and when they put you first like that you know they arent just with you to use you, they genuinly like/love you

saorry i know it wasnt a question for me i just wanted to answer :p

Tinytom

Names have to be kept out of this thread please.

Good posts by Peg I thought.

Deano your posts signify that you think this girl is better than you and you are lucky to have/had her. You will never get her back as long as you think that or can portray to here that you are an equal.

Although I dont see the reason to dwell on something that has ended so badly. Relationships end for a reason mate. Yes it hurts but move on. If you pulled one fit bird you'll pull another one.

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Deano!

but nobody knows who i mean ??

np though

SCJP

Get this out of your fcuking head. You will not get the relationship you want from her. Even if she choses to get back with you now, it'll all end in tears later & you'll feel much, much, worse.

Have a good cry to your Mum or something (I'm not being sarcastic here), but move on or you'll just end up a mess.

In time you'll feel a lot better, but you need to accept that it's over first.

Deal with it & don't let her get the better of you.

Peg

Thanks TT for your kind words about my posts.

Your post actually brought to mind that a man must earn a woman's respect when you said don't be a door mat to a woman.

No man respects a wimpy man.
No woman respects a wimpy man, either.

It may be that you are making her feel like you are too needy and asking too much of her too soon and so she wants that space.
True love will give each other space and help each other accomplish each other's dreams not inhibit them.

A wise man told me once that you cannot make a person love you.

What you are saying is that you are afraid to let go because you are afraid she will find someone else. It is a fear you must face with a strong heart.

Is your love a selfish love? Are you wanting her more for your own needs?
Is your love true love? Are you wanting her higher good more than your selfish needs?

You have to honestly ask yourself these questions and act accordingly.
The best thing to do is talk, talk, talk, with her and give her the space she needs to accomplish what she wants in her life as well.

If you know in your heart of hearts, she does not love you as you love her, then let her go. Be honest with yourself. If you know in your heart of hearts she does love you, fight for her love but don't demand it. Give her the time she needs to know if she loves you or not.

grunjhed

I have come into this very late but can totally agree with Peg. If you are petrified of letting her go because you may lose her then she was never yours to begin with. When you have found true love then you will understand that it is better to lose your love knowing that she is in a happier place than to keep her by your side knowing that she isnt fullfilling her dreams and happiness.

It is better to let go of what you cherish to see it blosom than to hold onto something and watch it die. If it is true love then she will come around and will come running back to your arms. As the age old saying goes, set your loved one free and if they come back it was meant to be.

I never truely understood these words until the day I met my wife... I came across a situation where I was worried that I was holding her back, so I let her go. She came running back to me so fast we both realised it was true.

Thats my 5 cents worth.

Rowlf

Peg - I think the sexual thing is so much different when love is involved. So much so that I no longer want anything but. Which leads me to:

Deano - One of the most important elements of life is pain. Through painful experience, as well as pleasurable experience, we learn. Life often does not give us the things we believe we need to make going on existing worthwhile. Yet we go on existing. Loss is natural.

The measure of a man is not how many successes he has under his belt, how fast his car, how big his house, how good his relationship. I believe the true measure of a man is how well he stands up after disappointment without losing sight of his own worth, and how much of his own integrity he keeps when his world is falling apart.

Whatever you do, don't lose sight of your own worth. Be kind, don't judge her, don't judge yourself - life is life, and the only thing one can guarantee is that wherever you end up, it won't be where you though you were going when you started.

Oh, and keep your integrity. It's the only thing any of us can truly say they own, and it can never be bought. Yet people give it away for nothing all the time.

Keyser Soze

Well, don't go to the other extreme and be afraid to compartmentalise, I never did like that "There are as many different types of X as there are members of X" approach, because it's something that we're conditioned to follow, but...all professional recruiters, criminal psychiatriasts, and most tellingly of all, marketing analysts divide people into socio-economic segments for more precise communications - it's what they do as professionals. It's just a shame we "common" folk aren't so discerning.



For the sake of practicality, I divide womankind into several categories, each of which with a distinct set of attributes that encompass 85-90% of them, the rest are admixtures of one sort or another.





Of course nobody is. I'll bed a young hot babe after a club; it doesn't have to go any further, if I like her enough I'll agree to meet her for a drink or something to eat or another club. If I don't, I won't. It's that simple. I'm not the world's most handsome dude (yet), I accept there's an element of, "He could pay for a few nights out" there. That's cool too; the ones who find me interesting convo or a great laugh inevitably bring their purses next time. I soon find out who's who before blowing too much cash. Neither of us is after ONLY "one thing", but we both want that "one thing".


Highlight the text you want to quote, then above the text window, there's a long row of icons starting with a B at the left. Click the 3rd icon from the right, it looks like a tiny yellow piece of paper with black text, that'll quote for you (by wrapping quote tags around the selected text)





If I'm reading you right, mate, I think you're after the ultimate intimacy you can have with a woman, that bond that goes so deep you both lose your individual selves in the couple. You'll do anything for each other, and I do mean ANYTHING, she's your best mate, she's your confessional priest, she laughs hysterically at your jokes, she cheers you up when your upset, she gives you a shoulder to cry on, she get completely rat-arzed with you when you're celebrating your new contract, you spend weekends planning what you'll both be doing in 10 years, and you do exactly the same for her. In short, you've merged into a single person, just split over two brains and two bodies.



The bad news - it's rare to find a woman who understands or has a template for what that kind of relationship is. Most haven't seen it in real life or fiction



The good news - YOU can learn it, and then you can teach it to her. And the right girl, even though she hasn't ever lived or seen what you're teaching her, will thank you for it both for all of the rest of her life, and with it.





Nope, you were a teenage dad. Seen 'em before.





Holllllllllld on there. Tell them your daughters age in the same sentance that you inform them of her existance. "I have a daughter from a previous marriage" is going to put off 80% of women, the intelligent ones included, in the same vein that I'd be deterred by a single mother - I don't want baggage.



BUT...next time, tell them, "I have one child, a girl of 15". If she liked you up to that point, she'll immediately think, "Hmmm, ok, that'll make life interesting but not too difficult". See the difference???





Welllllllllll............I let the extremist feminists, and their less fanatical sisters wallow in their ignorance. I don't throw peals before swine of either sex in general, and in particular I also don't argue with women of any leaning at all, in keeping with the advice our fathers gave us, or in some cases should have given us. What our fathers certainly never told us was the WHY; that got lost in the mists of time down the generations. But masculism is not about fighting feminism, and it's even less about being anti-women; it's about being PRO-man.



Being a masculist is about helping other men get the best of their relationships with women; this means appreciating women for what they are, not what the media tries to force-feed us. Being a masculist also involves helping guys understand that the differences in genders that manifest in society (higher wages for men, higher driving speeds etc) are inherent in human nature. For example, society can only go so far to legislate "equality", and, just as you can bring a horse to water but not make him drink, nor can you force a woman to study Radiological Life Sciences - and extremely well paid pursuit - when her mind simply finds it too abstract, decides to continue studying Sociology instead, and then finds herself competing with thousands of her sisters who all opted for the softer, talkier-feelier sciences in University.



Best of all, there are many women masculists who openly recognise and embrace the males natural position in society. These are often women who are lucky enough to have lived happily under the strong leadership of men with determination and wisdom - fathers, employers, bigger brothers, husbands, heck it can just be the guy in the uniform who pulled them out of a burning building.



There are also a few who are just tired of their men being pussified and long for them to show some balls, with other men, with other women, and yes, with themselves too. As Peg said with such laser-guided precision, "No woman wants a wimp". Women are getting tired of it. And you don't need to be under 5-5" or under 110Ibs to be a wimp.

hackskii

Man, alot of good posts here.

When my wife left me I was a mess, hell I was 25 years old and crying like a baby at work.
Till one guy told me that my wife (ex) was not worth my dignity.
Damn, that really opened my eyes, those words struck deep inside me and told me something about being a man.
As Rafe said about integrity, both are very similar, dignity and integrity go hand in hand.

Bro, honestly I love my daughters mother, but if she feels that she could be happier some where else then I would accept her happiness with someone else, this is fair to both parties.
For her it is fair for her happiness and my daughters happiness.
To me it is fair to me as if I dont make her happy then I am missing the happiness from some one else.

You cant make someone be with you and even if you could, this is not her choice and in the end it wont make you happy either, that whole thing would be a compromise.

Keyser Soze

All right Hacks!! Just a point of chronology, I thought you were freshly turned 40 when she upped and left?? Or is this a previous wife??




I bet it did. The media doesn't talk much about male dignity, so your pal did. He simply reminded you of something that we just don't hear much about any more. Good, ol'-fashioned pride in being a MAN. In the 50's, that would have been a much used phrase on the radio - now, it'd be a slur.







Well, I know how you mean that, but I don't like that thinking much either, only because it too often then gets warped into an excuse not to try hard, and try smart. Just as women hunt guys in packs (safety in numbers) and once they id a guy they want, they'll concert meticulously well-discussed attacks, and afterwards get together with their girlfriends to go over how the gameplan is panning out, ie whether he likes you, whether he's the committing type etc, so too can you mount a one-man campaign that gives a woman dozens of reasons to go out with you, and no significant reason not to.



Keyser.

hackskii

Last one was my Grilfriend with my Daughter, that was 5 years ago.

But now, there is talk of her comming back.
Sadly she has about 10 thousand dollars in debt, I told her 10 grand is nothing and if there is something else that I sould not be kept in the dark about it.
So far everything is going better now than ever actually.
My daughter is crying for me now, not just when I leave there but during the week.
In the long run it will be cheaper and easier on both of us, I hope we grow together instead of apart.
We both can be a real piece of work at times.

Rowlf

Absolutely! That is the best I have ever heard it expressed. That's exactly what I want, and I'll settle for nothing less. If I have to teach it I will, and I'm also prepared to learn anything in the same vein that she's prepared to teach me.

I agree that for the sake of broader brushstrokes - such as advertising, and insurance, and things of that ilk, this kind of division is useful. So too, I can accept it as a shorthand for debating the various attributes of a woman, or a car, or an animal, or any larger group within which discussion of smaller divisions is wanted. However, I think this model begins to break down when one begins to talk about specific women, or animals, or cars (witness the thread at the moment about the renault that's costing about a million quid to fix at the ford dealership under warranty). While one could cite this renault being an example that renaults are unreliable and/or expensive to keep on the road, one could find just as many reports of their cheapness and reliability. Thus, there's a danger of skewing when one doesn't take a big enough sample - though I'm not a statistician, so I couldn't comment on what sample of women would be needed for a conclusive study of this nature - possibly more than one man could experience in his short lifetime.

I think what I'm getting at here is that compartmentalisation of any 'type' is useful only at a macrocosmic level. When looked at microcosmically, any particular label we choose to apply to a woman (or a car, or an animal) is, to all intents and purposes, as likely as unlikely to apply to the particular one on which we are commenting.

I do agree with the idea of 'tendencies' though. People have tendencies, and these can sometimes be deduced by their external behaviours. A good example might be the partner who, immediately after you become an 'item', wants to hold hands literally all the time (I choose an example I hope most can relate to). This would, to my mind, more likely than anything else illustrate a tendency towards insecurity, at least with a partner. If one can read these tendencies, a lot of future upset for all can be avoided.

I think the most important point there is 'the behaviour is not the person'. Behaviour is mostly learnt, which means that, with most people, new behaviours can be learnt in place of the old ones, given a patient teacher and a willingness to learn.

Here's to everyone who wants to finding someone to learn with.:beer1:

Peg

Tendancies can also be construed incorrectly, Rafe. I will agree with you about reading the tendencies, but make sure you both are seeing eye to eye on the tendencies being exhibited.

It may be that the holding of hands, is just an outpouring of love through touch and the woman is not insecure at all but more secure because she sees that kind of touch a pleasure of the love shared and so embraces it.

It really is a matter of perspective and seeing through the eyes of the other person. Never box yourself into your own perceived tendencies without scruntinizing them and asking questions about them and seeing them from the other person's eyes.

What may be thought to be needy and clingy may in fact be an overwhelming desire to love you and seek your higher good just expressed in a way that isn't immediately recognized as such because of the conditioning by what society has heretofore taught through media, hearsay, experience, or family. Granted, it may also be that needy clingy of insecurity. Just don't lose a keeper because you thought the tendencies incorrectly.

Rowlf

I understand what you're saying here, but that's why I specifically said

I am totally with holding hands 24/7 with the woman I love. I just don't think that kind of love can happen instantaneously. Thus, when the behaviour is exhibited when the time has not elapsed for that behaviour to have a solid root in a sound relationship development, it would worry me greatly.