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24-05-2006, 03:20 PM
| #16 (permalink) |
| Getting HUGE!  Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 1,467
   | I was an "unexpected surprise". I had a couple of "unexpected surprises" myself. I love them dearly and can't imagine not having them in my life. A child will either motivate you to your best or your worst depending on how selfish you are, that is the reality of having childlren. I think for the most part, a child will motivate you to your best because there is something about the creation of another human spirit that is profound and awe worthy. The love for a child runs deep. There is no perfect time to have a child. And even if you start out ready to have the child in terms of being able to provide for it's needs, life is dynamic and changes and down the road it may be difficult to provide for the needs, but the love binds you with that child and the child will learn valuable lessosn in the growing up through good times and hard times. What is key is that the child knows and feels loved. As long as love is there, the child can endure anything and still thrive. Successful parenting is not how many material possessions a child has and keeping up the the Jones, but how well the child takes on his own responsibility for his life, how well the child learns how to learn, how well the child can see beyond his own selfishness to the needs of others, how well the child can self discipline himself to meet goals he has given him/herself or others have given to the child, how well the child can handle defeat and failure, how well the child can handle victory and success and so many other things To know poverty and disfunction in my home at various times in my life actually was the best thing for me as a child. It wasn't planned nor were we looking for it, the dynamics of life just changed such to cause those things to happen. I'm not advocating poverty nor disfuction, nor am I excusing any laziness on the parents part in creating those dynamics. I'm just pointing out the fact that whatever happens happens for a reason of learning and growth if you learn to have that attitude. That is the whole point of family, is it not -- the growing and experiencing life together? Life can be a bitch. What makes it endurable is the love and support of family and friends and the strengthening of one's own personal character while going through the bad times and the good times. As parents we want the best for our children and we strive for that but even still we make mistakes. We are only human. This is life, the learning how to love and forgive. It occurs in the small society known as family and hopefully is learned there to apply to the bigger family called the world. I would get the DNA test to be certain. I agree with cheater2k. What you have at the moment may seem unreasonably difficult to overcome in the heat of the emotions you are feeling, but always look ahead and to the future with singular purpose and plan for that purpose and things have a way of working out for the good as you go through the difficult times. Congratulations on your unexpected surprise. It will be a wonderful journey for you and I do believe you will make an super fantastic dad. I expect to see pictures in 9 months!!!!  I love pictures!!! All my best wished for you. Peg |
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24-05-2006, 03:41 PM
| #17 (permalink) |
| Miss UK-Muscle Siren  Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: North East
Posts: 1,085
 | It sounds like youve not half been through the mill lately mate, but when you hit rock bottom the only way is up. Slowley things will start to work out for you. I wish you the very best of luck in whatever you's decide to do. |
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24-05-2006, 07:05 PM
| #18 (permalink) |
| UK-Muscle Moderator  Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Sunny Southern California U.S.A.
Posts: 24,337
 | I would not be here today if my parents didnt take the risk of deciding whether they were going to make it or not aborton vs luxury. They have split up too. But I am still here. I am sure some of you on the board were brought into this world under similar circomstatces and are glad they didnt take the aborton route. |
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24-05-2006, 08:42 PM
| #19 (permalink) |
| Banned Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Harrow, London, England.
Posts: 729
| I'm sorry, but I'm taking a damn hard line on this. She's a gold-digging bitch who would have been a single mother no matter what, and now she's roped herself a child supporter. In the circles I mix in, the response would be, "Kick the bitch in the tummy". Dammit...women take men for our money left, right and centre. It's got to stop. Mate, do the paternity test, and get yourself some Legal Aid. If one third of your net future income is going to get deducted at source, then make DAMN sure you're getting your money's worth. You get your visitation rights in writing, get the authorities to detail precisely who is responsible for what, no ambiguities. You should never have allowed yourself into this position, but you have, so I'm not going to beat you up for it, you've already beaten yourself in the head enough you've got tears of blood pouring out. You're going to have to start playing smart because now, you've got no choice but to. Mate, I wish you a truckload of good luck - you're going to need it. But your life will be a lot happier if you do play smart, than don't. It's up to you now. KS |
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24-05-2006, 10:32 PM
| #20 (permalink) |
| poon star  Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: sunderland
Posts: 1,310
| it wont cost you a third visit the csa website they have a calculator www.childsupportadvice.co.uk its down at the moment unfortunately! congratulations mate it may not seem like it now but its the best thing that will ever happen to you. my sons mother and i arent together but it still works remember to communicate and dont get angry it wont help no matter what she does |
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24-05-2006, 11:02 PM
| #21 (permalink) |
| Getting HUGE! Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 1,467
| Keyser, it is always good to speak your mind and raise other possibilities heretofor not mentioned. In light of the earlier posts by Carlos about her and that she does not want anything to do with Carlos at the moment , I MIGHT agree with you and that is why I said to get a DNA test before making any assertions that she is a gold digger. But I also know the intensity of emotions involved having counselled many women in similar situations and having a daughter that has gone through a similar situation. I know for a fact that my daughter is not a gold digger in any shape or fashion not by a fooooking long shot!!! So I can see beyond to other possibilitiies whereas in your limited knowlege of such things, you may not be able to see beyond your own emotional colorings for whatever reason you have them. Appearances are not always what they seem. There are many emotions to sort through before "gold digging" can be assertained as the reality even though it could be a possibility. Even so, the child's life is what is at stake here as well. If Carlos is the dad, he must step up to the plate. What you hate in these situations, KS, is the loss of control the man has over his life and that another person must depend on that man which is a form of control on the life of the man. I can say that men are gold diggers for puss as well if you want to see beyond your male point of view about the whole thing and Carlos should have kept his pants zipped, but that is a moot point now. NO judgement here towards you, Carlos, Please do not get offended or angry at me. I am discussing "gold digging" with KS. It works both ways, KS. That was the hardest thing for Sarah... the loss of control over her life now that the twins were a factor and that the dad had to also be a part of her life which she did not want. It made her furious. It took her 3 years to overcome her anger. She's worked it out with the father. and the twins are her life. They will be 5 this June. You can see a picture of them at twins It has been a very good thing for Sarah in learning about herself and maturing as she grows with her children so I agree with Bigdaftjoe. Even if Carlos' girlfriend was not a gold digger, if the child is his, that child now will have control over him because of the responsibility of being a good father. I think he will make the right choice for himself as he is the one that knows all the particulars and you nor I do not. You really have no solid facts to slander the woman's character with the term of "gold digger". It might have been a better thing to suggest if Carlos has thought of that possibility of gold digging instead of saying as fact that the woman is in fact a gold digger. Last edited by Peg; 24-05-2006 at 11:14 PM. |
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24-05-2006, 11:07 PM
| #22 (permalink) | |
| Somewhere between depressed and suicidal Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: location, location
Posts: 1,077
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25-05-2006, 12:42 AM
| #24 (permalink) | |
| the sparrow never lands were the tiger roams  Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: somewere in the pacific with a bikini clad destiny's child runin round
Posts: 680
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my biological farther left her before i was born because he "wasn't ready to be a farther"(he's got 9 kids to different women and only sees 1 of them and he has stopped seeing her now) but my mum decided somehow me and my sis were in there so she wasn't going to just get rid!! she has said on multiple occasions i was an accident(not in a nasty way) and that if she knew then how hard it would be to raise 2 kids and train to be a nurse she would have trained before she had us! when i asked did she wish she hadn't she said it was hard to do but if she had the choice between doing it again and having to work 2 jobs(3 at some times) but she could have me and my sister or she could have had a career and not had us then she would do it again in a heart beat!! | |
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25-05-2006, 02:35 AM
| #25 (permalink) | |
| My name is EARL  Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: On my bloody bike doing cardio
Posts: 3,477
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25-05-2006, 04:25 AM
| #26 (permalink) |
| Newbie Trainer Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 11
| Screw that. Well no, not literally, as you already have. lol. Seriously if you want a precious experience get custody. Who says custody has to go to the mother? Be a real fulltime dad, not a bank. Get a lawyer, dig some good dirt on the x, seek both custody and child support. This crap of " I will allow you to see the baby" has yet to be decided in a court. Tell her; " you will get custody as soon as it is born. If she straightens up you may allow some visitation. And you will seek monetary support as you know she wants to be a good mother and support the child". |
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25-05-2006, 07:06 AM
| #27 (permalink) | |
| UK-Muscle Moderator Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Sunny Southern California U.S.A.
Posts: 24,337
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25-05-2006, 10:41 AM
| #28 (permalink) | |
| Sculpting the masterpiece  Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,464
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In the circles you mix in - what would they be exactly - from the way you keep winging on you have no experince with women anyway so what would you know? You really are a fukin w@nker. Last edited by Ironman; 25-05-2006 at 11:47 AM. | |
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25-05-2006, 10:48 AM
| #29 (permalink) | |
| Sculpting the masterpiece Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,464
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IMO unless the mother is a drunken child battering whore then the child needs to be with mother more than the father. Dig some dirt on the x - get real - how will this benifit the baby - after all its the babies wellfare whats at stake here and whats best for the baby. Your dreaming if you think any court in the land will give custody to the father over the mother unless in extreme circumstances. All this will do is cause further anomosity bewteen the mother and father and ultimatly the baby will suffer. This situation has to be dealt with like adults on both sides not like a couple kids fighting over a toy. | |
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25-05-2006, 11:10 AM
| #30 (permalink) | |
| My name is EARL Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: On my bloody bike doing cardio
Posts: 3,477
| Quote:
OH MAN, I get we are have a rant every now and then and we are a bit more 'open' behind the fake names and avatars, but OUCH! Respect T | |
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