bad_news_hughes

dont want to upset the ladies but i think this type possibly outweigh the norm. or at best a 50/50 split.our hprmones make us...well..aggresive sometimes, and all the usual manly charactoristics. and womens hormones make them...well...just crazy as hell at times.

sorry ladies. but you do work in some mysterious ways.
not all though.

hey Scott, nothin like a woman scorned. but that tale about your daughter is f in ridiculous of that damn woman to say. did she realise the consequences of that allegation.
sorry mate to go on a touch, but i just dont like that crap.

hackskii

She knew it wasnt true, she says her laywer said that.
For what it was worth I had thought of doing great bodily harm to her, although I would never follow through with it It did cross my mind.
That hurt more than anything, I love my daughter and have been thinking of her so much lately.
I took her swimming on Sunday and she is doing very well in the pool swimming.
She does prectical jokes on me too and she has an awesome sense of humor.
I wonder where she got that from?

Things do work out some but it is always in the back of my mind what could happen next.
I put nothing past them.

You know what they say: You can't live with em and you can't kill em!" I mean you cant live without em

bad_news_hughes

you sound like you truelly treasure your daughter and enjoy watching her turn into everything you want with a few suprises of her own along the way. some parents dont give a damn, but its good to see that you do Scott. wish you both well. you've got lots more to come!

winger

Bad news hughes is my new hero! ;)

Peg

Well, Yeeaaaaaaaaah!!!
I would definitely say that would seem to fit the definition of a troubled mind and spirit.
From your self point of view it would be seen as psycho.
It was an action against you.. A harmful action.
That is totally different from the the kind of psycho I was talking about with my son, today.
I would call that revenge, scorn, consuming selfishness as well as psycho (as defined by the car example).
They are definitely out of the normal acceptable behavior of a loving heart.
Heaven help the men if this type of woman becomes the norm!!!!
Heaven help the ladies that are not that way but must suffer the mistrust of men because the men have known nothing but the "psychos".

It really is a matter of self-control and discipline and recognizing what is taking place with the clarity of mind detached from the hormones, or if not detached, definitely aware of the hormones, and the choice of will to not let the hormones control.

This can be said for BOTH aggressive men and 'crazy' women.

Lorian: To stop and question why things are the way they are, in my opinion, is a healthy thing. How else can one discover what is lacking and change to become a better person? What is sad is when a person should analyse, see the lacking, and not do anything about it if it is within their power to do something about it.

What if the person cannot do anything about it...it is something out of their control?
Then does not that lacking become like a polishing stone that grinds away the rock to reveal the gem and rubs it until the gem shines with radiant beauty?

It also can create the "psycho.
It is a matter of choice based on the foundational code of conduct and values the person embraces as to how that choice is perceived and expressed.

I think we all live in mini "lies" about ourselves because we have our own perception of who we are which in reality may not be who we are as seen from another person's viewpoint. On the flip side of that. It may be that one's perception about oneself is the reality and it doesn't matter what others should perceive? Which is the reality? The other person's view of us or our view of us?
It is all a matter of viewpoint, is it not?

Who's to say we all are not living a huge lie and our reality is only the illusion of what we want it to be for our own pleasure when in fact the true reality is something we can't see or grasp because we are not looking for it.

Back to the original question???
Do we need love?

I think from the posts in this thread the answer is yes.
With it we find importance and significance in our lives.

SCJP

Know where you're coming from Hackskii.

I'd love to find someone special again but I don't think I should let it happen.

I've undertaken that I will devote myself to bringing my Tot up as best I can, so that she grows into a decent young lady.

hackskii

I have the same objective with my daughter (almost 7), although I am older I feel that I want to be in love again and I am actually cheating myself.
You dont live forever and I have learned from all my experiances.
Not to say the same mistake will or will not happen, I do feel that it is better to love once than never loved at all.
I think it is one of the coolest things I have ever had in my life.
Life is short and you dont know when the candle will blow out.

winger

Yes we do! We all do. ;)
I think life is about choices. I married a wonderful woman and I love the heck out of her. 20 years later and still going strong!

Tatyana

Can there be a love which does not make demands on its object?
-Confucius-


The only thing I can add to the psycho's comments

Every time I have had a bad relationship, what have you, the only person who has been there every single time was ME!

x
x
x
T

Peg

On Confucius quote:

That is an interesting thought, Tatyana.

The question to me becomes how do we view the word "demand"?
Do we see the word "demand" as a bad thing? Do we see it as something that impedes our selfish wants and desires?
Is it the noun or the verb?

Do we see the word "demand" as something that controls us?

From the person's point of view to whom the demand is given, is it a weight around the neck that drowns or a pleasure that is readily sought?

What makes the demand a burden or a pleasure?

From the person's point of view who is making the demand, is it an imperative command to receive the love you must do X?
Is it an expectation that if I don't receive X, I will not love you?
Is it the wanting of the other's good such that you tell the person if you did such and such your life would be better?
Does the demand give the object any choice in the matter?
If it does give choice, is it viewed as a demand?

If one is freely giving oneself to the "demand" of the love being offered, is it really a demand or is it an acceptance of a gift?

If one gives love without thought of reciprocation is there a demand to accept it in the giving?
If it is not accepted, does that lessen the love given?
If it is not accepted, was it because the gift seemed like a demand to the one given the gift?

Why did Confucius feel that love makes demands on its object?
Is there a need unfulfilled by the giver of love that demands the giver to give love?
Why does the object feel that demands are being made on it?
What of the person who still loves the object more than life itself but the object does not love that way in return? Is there a demand, a requirement, in that love? Perhaps you could say the demand would be to have love returned? I don't see that as a demand for the love given. I see that as a benefit and joy to the love given.


I do believe there is a love that does not make demands if demand is seen as "requirement".

It is when the giver and object both think of each other's needs before their own in an equal fashion. In doing so, there is no requirement needed since all requirements are met simultaneously and in a sense negate each other out so no "demand" is felt by giver nor object.

I think though to get to that state of love, you must learn how to be selfish in selflessness... so Confucious, knowing the heart of man, knew that love would always make some demand on its object.



About your psycho thought:

It is a common quote about those who have multiple divorces.
The only thing constant in those divorces is that person that goes from divorce to divorce.

Now are you implying Keyser and Hackskii are pyscho???

Tatyana

Demand=Accountable?

It would be too easy to blame the lads for each and every failed relationship.

In fact, loads of women do. Men blame women for the failed relationships.

I can only look at the fact that it was me in the failed relationship.

There is no power in blaming the opposite sex. Like shooting fish in a barrel IMHO.

x
x
x
T

hackskii

I blame myself for the poor selection of women I decide to sleep with.
Sometimes I know I am making a mistake but proceed anyway.
It is my fault in my opinion.
I am a Man and need to act like one.

Peg

Confucius: "Can there be a love which does not make demands on its object? "

demand=accountable??

I do not see how that fits.

Yes, I do see that we can only be accountable for our own actions and choices in a relationship. I've always held to that accountability.

There should never be any blame. Blame asserts self over the other. It asserts one person as more important than the other. Blame is an excuse for not taking a hard look at one's self and seeing what one could do better in the relationship.

I did not get demand=accountability from the quote by Confucius.

Perhaps the greatest demand of love is to take a hard look at one's self and change... perhaps self is the object of love, eh?

Tatyana

How did blame get into the equation?

I think it depends on how you distinguish accountability, like being responsible, like honouring your word as your life, like when you say 'I DO'. That is what I mean by accountable.

At least I post stuff you find easy to bounce off! :love:

Makes for more interesting threads!

x
x
x
T

Think I might google for a definition!

Tatyana

Accountability

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia



Accountability is a concept in ethics with several meanings. It is often used synonymously with such concepts as answerability, responsibility, blameworthiness, liability and other terms associated with the expectation of account-giving.


As an aspect of governance, it has been central to discussions related to problems in both the public and private (corporation) worlds.


At its root, accountability involves either the expectation or assumption of account-giving behavior. The study of account giving as a sociological act was first explicitly articulated in a 1968 article on "Accounts" by Marvin Scott and Stanford Lyman, ^[1] although it can be traced as well to J.L. Austin's 1956 essay "A Plea for Excuses," ^[2] in which he used excuse-making as an example of speech acts.

Communications scholars have extended this work through the examination of strategic uses of excuses, justifications, rationalizations, apologies and other forms of account giving behavior by individuals and corporations, and Philip Tetlock and his colleagues have applied experimental design techniques to explore how individuals behave under various scenarios and situations that demand accountability.

In politics, and particularly in representative democracies, accountability is an important factor in securing good governance. Accountability differs from transparency in that it only enables negative feedback after a decision or action, while transparency also enables negative feedback before or during a decision or action. Accountability constrains the extent to which elected representatives and other office-holders can willfully deviate from their theoretical responsibilities, thus reducing corruption.

The goal of accountability is at times in tension with the goal of leadership. A constituency may have short-term desires which are at odds with long-term interests.


I do love Wikipedia!

x
x
x
T