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10-03-2006, 09:41 AM
| #1 (permalink) |
| The Italian Stallion  Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Hertfordshire
Posts: 465
   | Saying the right thing! Martin wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits up and notices his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Martin looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless and clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table. "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love You!" So he goes to the kitchen and, sure enough, there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Martin asks, "Son, what happened last night?" His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 a.m., drunk and delirious. You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door." Confused, Martin asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?" His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you said, "Get your hands off me, bitch! I'm married!'" Moral of the Story: Self-induced hangover... $100 Broken furniture... $2,000 Breakfast... $10 Saying the right thing to your wife when you're drunk... PRICELESS
__________________ Luke aka R1 Mad :rolleye11 -You're only supposed to blow the bloody doors off- Getting forgiveness is easier than getting permission |
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10-03-2006, 02:18 PM
| #3 (permalink) | |
| Made in Liverpool  Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Liverpool
Posts: 1,046
| heres one A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son saying, "All of you b*****ds who want off, get the f**k off now, cause we're in a hurry! And all of you b*****ds who are getting on, get the f**k on, cause we're going down the tracks". The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train,but I want you to use nice language." Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for travelling with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." As the mother began to smile, the child added.........."For those of you who are ****ed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the fat bitch in the kitchen !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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10-03-2006, 02:20 PM
| #4 (permalink) | |
| strongest straight person on UKM (as everyone else is gay)  Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 6,814
  | LOL!
__________________ Captain Hero "By the time I get there, the girl is either already safe, or dead. Either way, there's going to be some serious fondling." Quote:
But you have to be strong surely?????? To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. | |
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10-03-2006, 03:14 PM
| #5 (permalink) | |
| Gym Addict  Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 411
| Quote:
Quality !!!!!!!!!!  | |
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