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28-02-2006, 11:37 AM
| #1 (permalink) |
| Growing Fast  Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Mids
Posts: 484
 | Bad Joke Last Saturday night; a young chap was walking home from the pub. It was a cold, wet, windy evening, and he was tired and freezing. Most of the streetlights in the area were broken, and the silence was only broken by the occasional sound of a stray cat sifting through a dustbin. Then suddenly he heard a strange noise...... BUMP...... BUMP........ BUMP........ Startled by this, he turned, and to his amazement, through the driving rain, he saw the faint outline of a large box turning into his road. BUMP........ BUMP........ BUMP........ He froze to the spot, he couldn't believe his eyes, as the box approached from the shadows, he was able to make out its shape more clearly....It was a coffin. Not wanting anything to do with this, he put his head down and started walking briskly home. BUMP........ BUMP........ BUMP........ He could feel the coffin gaining on him, he started walking faster......... BUMP........BUMP...... BUMP........BUMP..... BUMP........BUMP...... The coffin was closing with his every step, he started to jog, but he heard the coffin speed up after him...... BUMP........BUMP......BUMP...... BUMP........BUMP......BUMP..... BUMP........BUMP......BUMP...... He started to sprint, but so did the coffin . BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP. BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP.... BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP. Eventually he made it to his front door, but he knew the coffin was only seconds behind. Fumbling around in his pocket, he pulled out his keys, His hand trembling, he managed to open the lock, he dived inside slamming the front door behind him. He shot into his front room, and lumped into his comfy chair. Suddenly there was a loud crash, as the coffin smashed its way through the front door. The force of the impact broke the lock off the coffin allowing the lid to swing freely on its rusty hinges as it continued its chase..... BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP..SCREECH... BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... In horror the young lad fled again, as fast as his shaking legs could take him he bolted upstairs to the bathroom and locked the door........ BUMP...SCREECH...HOP..BUMP...SCREECH...HOP... BUMP...SCREECH...HOP..BUMP...SCREECH...HOP... BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP..SCREECH...HOP... The coffin again gave chase up the stairs, across the landing and launched itself at the bathroom door. With an almighty smash, the bathroom door flew off its hinges.... The coffin stood in the doorway, then started to approach the young terrified lad. BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP..SCREECH... BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... In a last ditch attempt to save his skin, he reached for his bathroom cabinet...... He grabbed a bar of Imperial Leather soap and threw it at the coffin.......still it came BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... He grabbed his can of Lynx deodorant and threw it ..... Still it came...... BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... He grabbed his first aid kit and threw it .still it came...... BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... He grabbed some Benelyn cough mixture and threw it........ The coffin stopped  |
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28-02-2006, 11:42 AM
| #2 (permalink) |
| super-hypno-moderator  Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Babylon
Posts: 5,607
   | Can we just let dave into the Male Animal please? I don't think I could stand other 7 posts like that.:axe: :boohoo: :boom: :frusty:
__________________ We are what we do. Excellence is therefore a habit not a skill. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. - Code 'UKM 110' for an extra 5% discount To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Coming Soon To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Also mod at To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. |
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28-02-2006, 12:39 PM
| #7 (permalink) |
| Wondering how people have the time to do all this over-complicating  Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: sunnyside up
Posts: 1,287
 | lets have a worst joke competition here goes what do you call a bloke with a seagull on his head? cliff.
__________________ 'those who look but do not see, go away no wiser than whence they came" |
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28-02-2006, 12:45 PM
| #9 (permalink) |
| Wondering how people have the time to do all this over-complicating Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: sunnyside up
Posts: 1,287
| what goes clip clop bang, clip clop bang? an armish drive by shooting
__________________ 'those who look but do not see, go away no wiser than whence they came" |
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28-02-2006, 02:49 PM
| #14 (permalink) |
| Wondering how people have the time to do all this over-complicating Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: sunnyside up
Posts: 1,287
| did you hear about the leper playing cards? he threw his hand in his mate found it so funny he laughed his head off
__________________ 'those who look but do not see, go away no wiser than whence they came" |
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28-02-2006, 02:58 PM
| #15 (permalink) |
| super-hypno-moderator Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Babylon
Posts: 5,607
| What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh. What do you call a man with a spade on his head? Doug What do you call a man without a spade on his head Douglas What do you call a man with an oil rig on his head. Derek What do you call a fly with no wings A walk What's black and white and red all over? A Newspaper A Rottweiler playing with a child What's got 2 legs and bleeds Half a dog What's small red and sits in the corner A peeled baby
__________________ We are what we do. Excellence is therefore a habit not a skill. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. - Code 'UKM 110' for an extra 5% discount To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Coming Soon To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Also mod at To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. |
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only 6 more to go :p
