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Truewarrior1 · 22-08-2007, 05:39 AM

someone upset me when they said im lucky i cant work

i cant work cos i have bipolar disorder with psychosis and i have 3 dvt's (bad blood clots) one in my lungs, two in my left leg. and also a possible one in my brain. i cant even walk up stairs without losing breathe and i keep coughing up blood. im on injections every day and a myriad of drugs which are prescribed.

some for sickness,injections for dvt every day,warfarin,olanzapine.

i jus took 30mg olanzapine and 30mg valium. i decided to half my dose of olanzapine to 7.5mg from 15mg cos i was only awake 10 hours a day, so i had 2 extra pills and took em tonight with my normal 15mg. so i hope to be asleep for at least 24 hours hopefully. i feel really drowsy yet suicidal.i dont know why im upset tears r fallin on the keyboard.i jus feel like dying.i have no love life, my sex drive is zero.

i still live at home with my parents and im 19!my only money is money for benefits from the government. all i do all day is watch films n sit on the net.i have no gf's the last 3 just cheated on me.i could die from the dvts, sometimes i hope i do.i just dont know what to do with myself these days.im picking up some weed tomorrow so hopefully thatll zone me out for a bit. i nearly got kicked out cos my cousin told my parents i had 5g's of coke in my room n they flushed it n let me stay but things r bad between us, n i never thought id say it but i HATE my cousin. how could she do that to me? shes like a sister to me. betrayed by sum1 i never thought would do that to me...i just dont understand.

i dont know what im looking for here..just venting my emotions to complete stranges, thought it might help.

22-08-2007, 05:39 AM	#32 (permalink)
Truewarrior1 Hulking Out! Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: london Posts: 1,936 Blog Entries: 4	Re: Sucks 2 Be Me! someone upset me when they said im lucky i cant work i cant work cos i have bipolar disorder with psychosis and i have 3 dvt's (bad blood clots) one in my lungs, two in my left leg. and also a possible one in my brain. i cant even walk up stairs without losing breathe and i keep coughing up blood. im on injections every day and a myriad of drugs which are prescribed. some for sickness,injections for dvt every day,warfarin,olanzapine. i jus took 30mg olanzapine and 30mg valium. i decided to half my dose of olanzapine to 7.5mg from 15mg cos i was only awake 10 hours a day, so i had 2 extra pills and took em tonight with my normal 15mg. so i hope to be asleep for at least 24 hours hopefully. i feel really drowsy yet suicidal.i dont know why im upset tears r fallin on the keyboard.i jus feel like dying.i have no love life, my sex drive is zero. i still live at home with my parents and im 19!my only money is money for benefits from the government. all i do all day is watch films n sit on the net.i have no gf's the last 3 just cheated on me.i could die from the dvts, sometimes i hope i do.i just dont know what to do with myself these days.im picking up some weed tomorrow so hopefully thatll zone me out for a bit. i nearly got kicked out cos my cousin told my parents i had 5g's of coke in my room n they flushed it n let me stay but things r bad between us, n i never thought id say it but i HATE my cousin. how could she do that to me? shes like a sister to me. betrayed by sum1 i never thought would do that to me...i just dont understand. i dont know what im looking for here..just venting my emotions to complete stranges, thought it might help.