Thread: Do you NEED love (be it romantic, familial or whatever)?
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Old 07-05-2006, 10:55 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Love is complex.

If you are talking about eros love. We can live without it, though our society's multimillion dollar business based on eros would beg to differ.
Our biological need for the feelings eros produces may be well difficult to control in their pleasure and the possible addiction to its drug like affect.

If you are talking about marriage.
Yes, you can live without it and don't need it.

But I believe that within us within our spirit we do need and seek love in its highest and purest form.
It is a constant that does not change in our ever changing world.
It is like the North Star that the sailors fix on when navigating the seas.

It is just a matter of seeing it for what it is.
This then returns us to the fact that love is complex and yet there is simplicity in its complexity as well.
"Perfect love casts out all fear." I think the journey of life is the working out of this thought in our lives.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Keyser Soze
and there's a lot to be said about a 3rd/4th/5th parties considering the suitability of a partner with ruthlessly objective eyes. I don't want to get into a debate about the various merits and downsides of each system - not in this thread, anyway - but I DO want to point out that the Indian system, the Decision Committee is made up of six members, not just two, so at least you have that broader base of opinion.


Here you are talking about love in marriage.
Well, the "love marriage" of Western society is actually a relatively new concept.
It use to be that you had to get the approval of parents and family before you could marry. Use to be there were chaperones on the outings of a gentleman and a lady.

Why do you suppose that has changed?
Why is a broader base of opinion needed in a decision of such importance?

Quote:
I'm not knocking love, but I think the way most people go about it is wrong. A lot of people confuse romantic love with infatuation, which of course leads to all sorts of hassle - shotgun marriages, divorces etc. A lot of people also have pretty unrealistic expectations of it, they get it into their heads that, "if s/he really loves me, then s/he will sacrifce X", without ever even raising the issue!!!


I will agree with you that most people go about it incorrectly.
"if s/he really loves me, then s/he will sacrifice X," is totally incorrect.
That statement is from self's point of view.

True love in its most purest form is other oriented. The higher good of the other is thought of not the higher good of self.
True love is the making sure that the other's self needs are met not making sure that your own self needs are met.
There is a subtle important difference.

True love is an act of the will and it subjegates the emotions to its control.

Quote:
To be frank - love seems like an addictive drug whose effects wear off either slowly or with a sudden crash. I personally don't feel like I love anyone - I just treat my family warmly and kindly, my young nephews and nieces with affection and generosity, but when I think of love, I think of 'clinginess'...I can take or leave their company, so how can that be love?? I prefer to be good to them, because being good feels good, but that's it.


Love is not clinginess in my experience.
That is the media's interpretation. That is perhaps society's skewed notion of what love is because of the greatness of "selfishness" in our narcissistic society.

Love is an act of the will to chose to be with a person and affect that person's life.

To be clingy implies a negative selfish obsession kind of dependence to me. True love is an interdependence, a preference of choice to affect the higher good of the other person's life while in your company. There is a dependence but it is one of trust and faith not obsession. There is the ability to take or leave the person at any given time. Each person fills the gaps complimenting and augmenting the needs of each other.

Just because you do not "feel" love a certain way does not mean you do not love. There are many aspects of emotion to love.
You feel good in the giving of yourself to them. This is a feeling of love.
Love is goodness in our lives.

Much like a song. Love must have intellect and emotion. The intellect being the lyric and the music being the emotion.
The power of the love will be the message of the lyrics augmented by the rhythm, tempo, key, dynamics, and melody of the music.

I will venture to say you have a commitment to the higher good of your relatives when they are in your company. This is love at its best.
I will venture to say that if your nephews' and nieces' lives were threatened you would not hesitate to defend them. This is love at its best.
You love your relatives. I will say you have limited yourself as to what love is in your life by thinking that there must be a certain feeling of "clingy" to it.

Love does not cling and hold on to the object of love. It uplifts and exhorts and encourages the object to soar to its greatest potential.

I say thatif you look deep enough, Keyser,you are loved very deeply by One you will meet at the end of your journey and that love is sufficient for you such that you feel you are not in need.

I think our society has placed too much emphasis on the physical aspects of love and needs to return to the mind and spirit when talking about love to find its truest meaning and purpose of need in our lives.

The balance is delicate and the physical is difficult to control and discipline.
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